Please be kind as this is being done on my phone.
"It is not enough for me to stand before you tonight and condemn riots. It would be morally irresponsible for me to do that without, at the same time, condemning the contingent, intolerable conditions that exist in our society. These conditions are the things that cause individuals to feel that they have no other alternative than to engage in violent rebellions to get attention. And I must say tonight that a riot is the language of the unheard." -Martin Luther King Jr
Powerful words written nearly 60 years ago that still ring true today.
As I watch and learn of the riots in Baltimore my heart breaks. People who have no way to be fully heard, and fully understood than acts of violence and chaos. While people hundreds of miles away condemn them and speak words of hatred. People who have never felt the pain and anguish as these have. People who have never felt the helplessness and fear these have. People who have never felt the injustice as these have. Yet these people feel they can decide who and what she be done. The correct way they should have acted and should have said. I could not imagine the pain of feeling your words and life mean less than others because of how you look, could not imagine the fear of knowing that no matter how hard you try and how loud you speak your voice is still quieter than the white man next to you. I could not imagine the struggle of having to do twice as good as others just to be counted as half. The riots aren't because they don't want to listen to authority. It is because authority is not listening to them. The death of a man should not be ignored. Justice should be served even if it is to those supposed to uphold the law.
There are no excuses, no if onlys, no amount of I'm sorrys that can help this situation. Justice and change. But how can that be done when the need for change comes from people who are ignored. Why bother with something as hard as change when you can push it aside. Ignore those so desperate for it unail you can no longer ignore it. Then let's blame them for the mess. Wrong. No one but ourselves to blame. No one but those who swept these people under the rug for so long to blame. We like to live in this special bubble we have built around ourselves so we don't see the ugly. It doesn't exist if we can't see it. We can't control what others do if we don't see them. Wrong. Speaking up for those who can't or those who are ignored. Open our eyes to see the ugly and try to change it. People are opressed, and people are suffering right here in our backyards, in our schools, not half way around the world. Right here.
So before you say something about the desperate actions of others look around, what have you done to try to help, or spoken up or even taken the time to understand the real issues behind their actions. What would you do if you were them?
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Turning the Page
It's been a long week. This week has been a week of wonderful highs. I celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary on Sat. It's been a wonderful weekend. A great dinner with just A and myself, then came home to E and O, ready for bed and worn out by their cousins. I didnt have to worry about them while gone and they were super happy for the time to play. I got to love on my kids and my husband and not have to worry about other things. I got to play on the trampoline and enjoy the nice early spring air. I got to hide under the blankets while being ambushed with Nerf bullets form A and E. It's been a great weekend. I also did a ton of reflecting over the weekend. I realized that where I am currently in my life, with my family and my friends is a great place to be. I am so happy and content with where we are going and the things we are working towards. There will always be bumps in the road but with these wonderful guys by my side they can help make sure these bumps dont become car consuming pot holes.
It became clear what amazing friends I have in my life. Many more than I realized. People who stand up for me when needed. People who make me laugh and are there for me to confide in. People who allow me to be me and love me just for that. These women also help keep me from falling into the pot holes of life. They allow me to vent, and they listen. They give me amazing distractions and make me laugh when I need to. They help me in more ways than they will ever know. I am so blessed and grateful for these women.
There have also been some super low lows this week. I've realized how strong my close group of friends are and I've realized how weak I can be. I've realized that while I feel I can trust others I cannot. I've realized that many times 'friends' are nothing more than a screen, an avatar, a small thumbnail picture. Not what I thought they were, not who I thought they were, and not how things seem. Screens give others more courage than alcohol, more words than a dictionary and more power than they need. They can wonderfully build people up and just a quick shut them down. I am so thankful I am surrounding myself with more that build up and less of those that shut down. More of those that help guide me on the right path and less of those that make me stray. I am learning what I am built of and what others are built of. Not something you'd think one would be doing while rounding the corner on their mid-thirties. I know who I am and what I stand for, but learning who others are and what they stand for is different. Not everyone is made of the same fiber and that's fine. Everyone needs to learn these things. I have been lucky enough to live in a bubble. One that doesn't have a need to be skeptical of others, one that I can trust and take things for what they seem. I dont have to wonder if what I see and hear is the truth.
I can say that I am a very lucky woman. I have so much to be thankful for and I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with this.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
There are things that I grew up doing. Things that I loved to do as a kid but now seems like a crazy idea. Today my boys got to enjoy one of those simple pleasures. They played in the rain. They went outside on their own and jumped on the trampoline while it rained down on them. It was a chilly rain but they didnt care. They played until we made them come in. Well over an hour. They were barefoot and happy. In love with just being free outside. They got to experience a little bit of what I did regularly. Then later they went back out and played with bugs. They discovered gnats can get through the mesh on their trampoline so they caught them, some they squished some they showed mercy on and let go. They held grasshoppers on the porch and searched for lady bugs. They got dirty, they got wet, they had fun. They were asking for bed come bedtime. I will never forget the memories from today. The sheer joy in their laughs from jumping in the rain. The surprised screams when a bug jumped from their tiny hands. It was a great day. As busy as we are, we dont get enough of these. We have to take more time for us. We have to realize that other things and deadlines can wait. That our boys will only be boys for a little while longer. That the days go by too fast. That every day they are a little older, a little further from being tiny and a little closer to being grown. To having sports, and friends and everything else that will soon become our normal. But for today we have them little. We have giggles and bugs and playing in the rain.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I am a super hero! Being a mom has done it. No not the carrying and birthing them part. Any adoptive, foster or negligent mom can tell you carrying and birthing a baby does not always make you a mother. Being a mother makes you one! So since I have obviously done an A+ job of this I have been enabled with super powers. I am guessing you are probably wondering what those are. Here is where I tell you!
1. Faster than a speeding bullet has nothing on faster than a kid falling out of a chair. Or faster than a falling sippy cup full of grape juice over carpet! I can sense something falling before it falls and with my super cat like reflexes catch it before the plate of dino nuggets with bbq sauce has time to fall on the floor and cause a melt down in a 2 yr old!
2. Super hearing. I can hear my baby crying from one floor away with 2 televisions on while my 2yr old runs around the loft screaming "It's time to be a knight and do it right!" and my husband is asking me where something is.
3. I am an empath. What not a super power? Tell that to the show Charmed! I know exactly how my baby feels before he even feels it. When we are at the dr. and they come in with shots and ask me to help hold them down. My heart breaks knowing that the trust my babe has in me to keep him safe and unharmed will temporarily be broken. I know how hurt my 2yr old feels when some one wont play with him. When he looks at me and says "Momma I love you so much." my heart is just as full as his is. When he screams and throws himself down because he is mad that I wont give him 5 oreos after he snuck 2 already. I know exactly how mad he is because I am just as mad.
4. I can exist on little to no sleep. Normal humans cannot survive on a mere few broken hrs of sleep each night for months on end. We super heros do this nightly for years. I am currently going on just over 2.5yrs of it.
5. I fight bad guys. I slay monsters, battle dragons and chase away scary shadows. Enabled with the powers to launch assault on these horrible creatures and allowing young children to fall asleep.
Now you may not feel these powers make me a super hero but show me someone who doesnt have these and not feel like they are a super hero! These are badges of honor bestowed on those most fit. There are definitely other powers I would like to add to my collection such as mind reading, teleporting, and the power to freeze time.
1. Faster than a speeding bullet has nothing on faster than a kid falling out of a chair. Or faster than a falling sippy cup full of grape juice over carpet! I can sense something falling before it falls and with my super cat like reflexes catch it before the plate of dino nuggets with bbq sauce has time to fall on the floor and cause a melt down in a 2 yr old!
2. Super hearing. I can hear my baby crying from one floor away with 2 televisions on while my 2yr old runs around the loft screaming "It's time to be a knight and do it right!" and my husband is asking me where something is.
3. I am an empath. What not a super power? Tell that to the show Charmed! I know exactly how my baby feels before he even feels it. When we are at the dr. and they come in with shots and ask me to help hold them down. My heart breaks knowing that the trust my babe has in me to keep him safe and unharmed will temporarily be broken. I know how hurt my 2yr old feels when some one wont play with him. When he looks at me and says "Momma I love you so much." my heart is just as full as his is. When he screams and throws himself down because he is mad that I wont give him 5 oreos after he snuck 2 already. I know exactly how mad he is because I am just as mad.
4. I can exist on little to no sleep. Normal humans cannot survive on a mere few broken hrs of sleep each night for months on end. We super heros do this nightly for years. I am currently going on just over 2.5yrs of it.
5. I fight bad guys. I slay monsters, battle dragons and chase away scary shadows. Enabled with the powers to launch assault on these horrible creatures and allowing young children to fall asleep.
Now you may not feel these powers make me a super hero but show me someone who doesnt have these and not feel like they are a super hero! These are badges of honor bestowed on those most fit. There are definitely other powers I would like to add to my collection such as mind reading, teleporting, and the power to freeze time.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Ten ways to wake up a sleeping baby in a quiet house. These are tried and true methods guaranteed to nicely wake your little one from a deep deep slumber.
1. Sit down to pee. The sensitive ears of your babe can hear your bare bottom touch the surface of your porcelain throne, even with a flight of stairs and a shut door between you.
2. Lay down to take a nap of your own. This action sets off immedate radar to make the baby not just wake up but scream at pitch that ONLY moms and dogs can hear. Dads usually do not hear the cry and fall asleep anyway.
3. Get in the shower. Babies like to see how quickly you can get in and get out and still consider yourself clean. So they do not start screaming until you have gotten yourself completely soaked and the loofah lathered.
4. Search the internet. Have something you want to look up? Have free time you'd like to spend on facebook? Heh! Good luck. Babies feel the internet is best experienced while trying to nurse/feed/change a diaper while also on it.
5. Return a phone call. Seriously what good is an important call with out a screaming baby as background music?
6. Try to eat. Babies feel no one should eat alone so when you eat they eat, even if they've eaten 20min prior.
7. Start a movie or television show. Who wants to miss such quality viewing time? Not a baby!!
8. Quiet time with your significant other. Not necessarily the horizontal mambo but just cuddling on the couch or any type of physical touch, even as small as holding hands. It remains a mystery how a sleeping baby upstairs can know that his father grabbed his moms hand downstairs while standing in the kitchen talking.
9. Start cooking something. Even if its boiling water a baby will know. Their tiny noses are sensitive enough to pick up on the slightest smells of the stove turning on or the oven warming up.
10. Pop open an adult beverage. Babies can hear the pop of a wine cork, the twist of a beer top and they can sense the need in an over exhausted parents voice as they lay them down in their bed!! This is just too much excitement and grown up time for a baby to allow!!
Now I am sure there are many other ways to wake a sleeping baby in a quiet house but these are just a few of the methods I've seen work with out fail!!
1. Sit down to pee. The sensitive ears of your babe can hear your bare bottom touch the surface of your porcelain throne, even with a flight of stairs and a shut door between you.
2. Lay down to take a nap of your own. This action sets off immedate radar to make the baby not just wake up but scream at pitch that ONLY moms and dogs can hear. Dads usually do not hear the cry and fall asleep anyway.
3. Get in the shower. Babies like to see how quickly you can get in and get out and still consider yourself clean. So they do not start screaming until you have gotten yourself completely soaked and the loofah lathered.
4. Search the internet. Have something you want to look up? Have free time you'd like to spend on facebook? Heh! Good luck. Babies feel the internet is best experienced while trying to nurse/feed/change a diaper while also on it.
5. Return a phone call. Seriously what good is an important call with out a screaming baby as background music?
6. Try to eat. Babies feel no one should eat alone so when you eat they eat, even if they've eaten 20min prior.
7. Start a movie or television show. Who wants to miss such quality viewing time? Not a baby!!
8. Quiet time with your significant other. Not necessarily the horizontal mambo but just cuddling on the couch or any type of physical touch, even as small as holding hands. It remains a mystery how a sleeping baby upstairs can know that his father grabbed his moms hand downstairs while standing in the kitchen talking.
9. Start cooking something. Even if its boiling water a baby will know. Their tiny noses are sensitive enough to pick up on the slightest smells of the stove turning on or the oven warming up.
10. Pop open an adult beverage. Babies can hear the pop of a wine cork, the twist of a beer top and they can sense the need in an over exhausted parents voice as they lay them down in their bed!! This is just too much excitement and grown up time for a baby to allow!!
Now I am sure there are many other ways to wake a sleeping baby in a quiet house but these are just a few of the methods I've seen work with out fail!!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Demonology 102
Three months in to welcoming number 2 we have seen huge changes in our little turkey butt! He is such a great big brother. There are times that I feel the demon that is, has gone in to hiding. That the sweet loving little man is back for good. Then all of a sudden the tide turns! For example I was just told to go to time out for eating my own donut! When I questioned his authority, my donuts were swiftly grabbed off the table and a "NO momma my donuts!" growled out. I then pointed out his new time out chair and the sweet boy reemerged and my donuts were handed back. The term melt down has a whole new meaning lately. It is not just a nooo!! Its a complete loss of brain function. The legs flail about as the word No! is screamed as many times as humanly possible. But the new moments of sharing with his brother and lately I've gotten a ton of extra I love you's totally make up for it. There is something great about a tiny voice calling you "Babe" because that is what he hears his daddy call you. I love coming home and having him run to me so happy to see me. Becoming a big brother has really changed him for the better. The look of pride he gets when he makes O smile is so great. Now there are times when he tells me to put the baby down. And if at all possible I do. It means he needs some time for him and I do that. The baby gets so much more attention that I feel that if E asks for it, he deserves it. He has earned it. I can say for a big part the term Demon can be shelved for the moment. Showing off what he recently learned or singing Taylor Swift songs at the top of his lungs has replaced hitting and biting.
Now with the change he has become a tiny dictator. He now feels its ok to tell everyone what to say and when and what to do and when. He is a big brother and bossing others around is obviously something that needs practice so that when O is old enough to listen and follow he is a pro. I so look forward to seeing the two grow.
I need to apologize in advance for all errors in this. It is NOT easy to blog with a 2yr old and nearly 3mon old. Not only does it get hard to keep a single train of thought over the course of hours it also takes forever!!
The events of this week have been horrible. Everyone is quick to say "If only we had God in schools". While I feel that would be great I dont think that is the answer. Why does everyone feel if God were in schools that our world would be amazing? Why dont they say if WE had God. If we started at home with God and shared his word to those who needed it. If we woke up each morning and realized God was with us and followed us wherever we went (including school). Just because some one walks through the doors of a school does not mean they leave him at the door. No the teachers are no longer allowed to lead prayer every day but that does not stop the students, that does not stop anyone from sharing His word. Blaming the fact that we cannot have organized prayer in school doesnt stop a mentally ill person from coming in. It doesnt stop evil from entering. It doesnt stop students from praying. If we started and ended our days with the word of God wouldnt that mean he is with us through out the day? Or does he exist solely on our pillows? Is he left there after we say Amen waiting until we return? No. He follows us wherever we go. He is there holding us while evil attacks. Were the events Friday Gods will? No I dont believe so. I believe evil got in.
One question I have regularly asked myself in the nearly 2.5yrs I've been a parent is 'How do you stop your son from becoming this?'. When does your beautiful sweet loving baby become this horrible evil monster capable of doing this kind of thing? Did he not feel understood? Did he not feel like he was loved enough. I know the term mental illness has been said many times but I dont think I've seen where it was an official diagnosis. I smother the boys in love. I make sure they know they are so important to me and so is what happens in their lives. I ask E how his day at daycare was everyday and make sure he knows I am there for him. I dont want something to be wrong and me miss it then our lives play out on the evening news after some horrific event. I want to see what is there. I wonder what red flags were missed or ignored by family, friends, teachers, co-workers, employers and so on. What warning signs were over looked because things werent taken seriously enough? What could have been done to stop this? If he was mentally ill what could have been done to stop this? Where did the system fail him and eventually those that lost their lives? How can we change things to make sure history does not repeat itself?
I fear for the world my children will grow up in. I am terrified of how things seem to be so escalated by the media that each psycho seems to want to top the next. Where are we going from here? What will it take to stop this?
The events of this week have been horrible. Everyone is quick to say "If only we had God in schools". While I feel that would be great I dont think that is the answer. Why does everyone feel if God were in schools that our world would be amazing? Why dont they say if WE had God. If we started at home with God and shared his word to those who needed it. If we woke up each morning and realized God was with us and followed us wherever we went (including school). Just because some one walks through the doors of a school does not mean they leave him at the door. No the teachers are no longer allowed to lead prayer every day but that does not stop the students, that does not stop anyone from sharing His word. Blaming the fact that we cannot have organized prayer in school doesnt stop a mentally ill person from coming in. It doesnt stop evil from entering. It doesnt stop students from praying. If we started and ended our days with the word of God wouldnt that mean he is with us through out the day? Or does he exist solely on our pillows? Is he left there after we say Amen waiting until we return? No. He follows us wherever we go. He is there holding us while evil attacks. Were the events Friday Gods will? No I dont believe so. I believe evil got in.
One question I have regularly asked myself in the nearly 2.5yrs I've been a parent is 'How do you stop your son from becoming this?'. When does your beautiful sweet loving baby become this horrible evil monster capable of doing this kind of thing? Did he not feel understood? Did he not feel like he was loved enough. I know the term mental illness has been said many times but I dont think I've seen where it was an official diagnosis. I smother the boys in love. I make sure they know they are so important to me and so is what happens in their lives. I ask E how his day at daycare was everyday and make sure he knows I am there for him. I dont want something to be wrong and me miss it then our lives play out on the evening news after some horrific event. I want to see what is there. I wonder what red flags were missed or ignored by family, friends, teachers, co-workers, employers and so on. What warning signs were over looked because things werent taken seriously enough? What could have been done to stop this? If he was mentally ill what could have been done to stop this? Where did the system fail him and eventually those that lost their lives? How can we change things to make sure history does not repeat itself?
I fear for the world my children will grow up in. I am terrified of how things seem to be so escalated by the media that each psycho seems to want to top the next. Where are we going from here? What will it take to stop this?
Monday, November 26, 2012
Keep them busy!
Having a second baby has been amazing! I love this little man so much. But it also comes with its hurdles. One is money. Babies arent expensive care for them is!! Daycare that is! So having to put out more than double what we do now we are still trying to find ways to do things as a family. I love taking Evan places and doing things with him. Having a second baby is not going to change that. In fact I want to continue to do them and more to include O in our family!! So I spent some time looking around finding things that are fun but cheap or free to do. So far I have a list of 25 things to do in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area for a family of 4. This is when you are paying for all 4 memebers. Technically E still gets in free almost anywhere, but I wanted a list that others could use. These are things and places we would take our kids. Not a place where a 2yr old would get in to trouble or break things or get out of hand. I wanted things that are very kid and family friendly. Surprisingly our area has tons of these places and I am excited to do them. Another amazing fact is that of all of these activities the most expensive is $26!! Several of these things are outdoors and subject to weather but thats why you save the indoor places for a rainy or too hot day!
We have already done a few of these things and I am now looking forward to doing the rest. I have nearly 6mon of wknd trips now planned!!
1)Train at Trinity Park- $15
2)Log Cabin Village- $19
3)Botanic Gardens-free
4)Cattle Drive in Stockyards-free
5)Planetarium-$18
6)Omni theater- $26
7)Cow girl museum-$20
8)Dallas museum of art childrens art exhibit- $20
9)Kimbell Art Museum-Free
10)Nasher Sculpture Center-$20
11)Trinity Park with Duck Pond-free
12)Stockyards Museum-Free
13)Texas Cowboys Hall of Fame tour- $16
14)Stockyards Petting Zoo- $4
15)Grapevine Public Art Walk-Free
16)Nash Farm-Free
17)Homestead Farm-Free
18)Dallas Herritage Village-Free
19)Texas Discovery Gardens-Free
20)Cedar Ridge Preserve hiking-Free
21)Fire Station No. 1-Free
22)Ft. Worth Water Gardens-Free
23)Monnig Meteorite Gallery-Free
24)CR Smith Museum-$16
25)Fort Worth Nature Center & Refuge-Free\
None of these things include food items but many of them can totally be picnic lunches!
We have already done a few of these things and I am now looking forward to doing the rest. I have nearly 6mon of wknd trips now planned!!
1)Train at Trinity Park- $15
2)Log Cabin Village- $19
3)Botanic Gardens-free
4)Cattle Drive in Stockyards-free
5)Planetarium-$18
6)Omni theater- $26
7)Cow girl museum-$20
8)Dallas museum of art childrens art exhibit- $20
9)Kimbell Art Museum-Free
10)Nasher Sculpture Center-$20
11)Trinity Park with Duck Pond-free
12)Stockyards Museum-Free
13)Texas Cowboys Hall of Fame tour- $16
14)Stockyards Petting Zoo- $4
15)Grapevine Public Art Walk-Free
16)Nash Farm-Free
17)Homestead Farm-Free
18)Dallas Herritage Village-Free
19)Texas Discovery Gardens-Free
20)Cedar Ridge Preserve hiking-Free
21)Fire Station No. 1-Free
22)Ft. Worth Water Gardens-Free
23)Monnig Meteorite Gallery-Free
24)CR Smith Museum-$16
25)Fort Worth Nature Center & Refuge-Free\
None of these things include food items but many of them can totally be picnic lunches!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Demonology 101
I love my son, I do. More than anything else on earth. He literally is the reason I do anything and everything. He is sweet, smart, happy, and seriously cute. He is by every definition a Mommas Boy and I couldnt be more thrilled about that. My husband recently went on an over night fishing trip and we had an ice cream date, and snuggled in bed watching Cars 2 until he fell asleep. He was even able to sleep in my bed and we cuddled most of the night. Those are the times I will truly miss when he is no longer an only.
But its no new thing that I call him a demon. Because well, thats what you call something/someone that screams, throws things, hits, has been known to bite, and many other unfavorable behaviors. Normally this nickname is said in a joking manner. My little man tends to be very well behaved and very sweet. Until about 2wks ago that is. The terrible twos set in with a vengeance and are yet to be exorcised from him, they also show no signs of letting go. As I type he leaning against the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table (something he knows not to do), screaming for his binky, watching The Smurfs and eating raisins all simultaneously. Oh look he just dumped out the ENTIRE container of raisins hitting his little twisty car track and taking it down with it. (Thankfully the living vacuums are there to the rescue). He has never been a good sleeper and it has been regularly getting worse. Minus the apparent growth spurt recently that had him sleeping all night with out one wake up, and sleeping in his bed with out an hr+ long fight. Fast forward to the 2min mark here and you get the basic idea! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=243EWmazx8A
How does one deal with such demonic activity on a daily basis one might question. Holy water and a crucifix does NOTHING for this problem. However I have very recently come to a big realization. One thing that truly helps and calms the demons is some simple one on one time. No t.v., no distractions, nothing. Just me and the little man and whatever simple activity we tend to be doing. Earlier today I found a way to clean our couches on pinterest and was doing that. He decided he wanted to clean too so I gave him a towel and he "helped". The entire time he was loving on me (some of my favorite moments of the day) and being actually very helpful. The moment my attention was taken off of him, however, BAM full demonic explosion and he was trying to get into several chemicals and screaming for strawberry milk. Finished said distraction and things returned to the happy sweet way they were before. I fear for #2 because when given the chance E likes to force sharing on him. Last night he was trying desperately to shove crackers into my belly button to share with baby O. He then wanted to share his cars with him and again tried to force them into my belly button. Obviously my belly button is direct access to the baby. As long as I sit there allowing him to try he is fine. If I for whatever reason try to tell him its not going to work he pushes harder and screams "No I share baby O". Again letting him try until he is done and feels he has shared enough usually keeps the demon at bay.
There are times NONE of this (and then some) works and he does whatever he can to push every button you have and ensure you will become prematurely gray and drive you into what can only be hopefully called a humane old folks home. At those times I look at him and thank God I was blessed with such a strong willed little boy and pray that one day it will work in my favor and he will be strong and smart and know who he really is in his own person. And not turn to outside influences for these confirmations. I also pray that the word no is forgotten from his vocabulary and he also realizes that he is only 2 and CANNOT do everything on his own, and begins accepting help from his Momma again.:)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I have been tossing around several different things to blog about lately. But today something hit me that I feel I need to get off my chest/vent about.
I hate seeing blogs of moms who have lost tons of weight and who have figured out how to do this amazingly crafty thing and the endless babywearing/cloth diaper/breast feeding meet ups for and by moms WHO DONT WORK! I would love to take E to a mom and me class, or a gym class or ANYTHING to get some special quality time with him but guess what I am extremely punished because I work. They dont have mom and me gym class at 7pm on a Wednesday evening. They dont have babywearing meet ups on a Friday night. No instead they have them on Wed or Thurs morning at 1030am. EVERY SINGLE ONE I'VE LOOKED INTO is this way. The only thing I've ever been able to do with him is a swim class (not really suggested to do since he has ear tubes but what were my other options?) on a Sat morning for 4wks. We've done it twice and I am sure we'll do it again because its the only thing available. I am lucky to have Mondays off and can take him to the museum or the park when the weather is nice and his allergies are killing him but I'd love to do something socially interacting while spending time with him. I'd love to meet moms in my area with kids his age. I'd love to be able to be teaching him something while having fun. But again the punishment for working is that I am cut out of this. I am not only going against the mom guilt in me that so badly wants to stay home with him (maybe not 100% of the time but a hell of a lot more than I do) and spend this short time that he is so sweet and loving and young and wants me there with him, but also the fact that I know if I chose that route we'd be living in a box on the corner. I am sure said box would get pretty cramped pretty quickly with a family of soon to be 4, plus 2 dogs a cat and 3 fish. I frequently feel looked down on by moms who dont work. As if they are being better moms because they can do all of the above with their babies while I spend nearly 12hrs a day with some one elses. I am not saying I am singled out specifically by all these groups and am degraded by them. But reading blogs and posts and looking at meet up and gym calenders makes me feel that way. If I were to chose to work out 5+ days a week I would lose precious quality time with my son and miss more than I already do. Miss his sweet bed time and his sweet cuddles and love. Things that I already miss enough of.
So do I look amazingly hot nearly 2yrs after my son is born? No. Do I think this is a goal that I'll achieve in the near future (or at least not long after #2 is born)? Probably not. Time with my babies is more important that 10-20lbs and a smaller pants size. One day when they are older and would rather play with friends or can come with me or I am able to spend more time with them other parts of the day, then yes. I do believe I can do it. I can come up with a neat crafty craft that I can brag about. That I can be excited to teach and show others how to do. That I can say "Yes I have finally reached my ultimate goal weight". It just becomes very hard to stay in this mind set when everywhere I look some days I have the opposite slapping me in the face. Working is not an option for me, its not as if I am choosing to leave my baby at home every morning before he even wakes up and not get home until a couple of hrs before his bed time. Its required to live, to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. A fact I think many SAHMs miss definitely not all but many. I know there are moms who financially its better for them to stay home due to the insane cost of childcare.
I am by no means saying staying at home is easy. In fact its quite the opposite. Its hard and tiring and you dont get a break (while neither do I technically or literally). I think that there's a loneliness and an isolation that can come with staying at home. But you have options. You have the ability to watch your babies grow up and know that you are there every second being able to be there and help and watch them. You know everything they did that day and can say YOU raised your baby not daycare or a sitter. You are able to take part in the play groups and play dates. You can take your baby to story time at the library something that unless I get lucky I wont be able to do.
I love E's daycare. I love that he has learned so much and has been able to make friends and play and comes home with art work. But I would love to teach him those things. Yes I do work with him on them and love seeing things click in his head. But having 2hrs in the evening which includes cooking dinner, baths, bedtime routine anything else cuts in to that.
I dont know maybe I am afraid that there will come a day where he is angry that I wasnt there enough for him. Or I look at him and realize that I have missed everything......
I hate seeing blogs of moms who have lost tons of weight and who have figured out how to do this amazingly crafty thing and the endless babywearing/cloth diaper/breast feeding meet ups for and by moms WHO DONT WORK! I would love to take E to a mom and me class, or a gym class or ANYTHING to get some special quality time with him but guess what I am extremely punished because I work. They dont have mom and me gym class at 7pm on a Wednesday evening. They dont have babywearing meet ups on a Friday night. No instead they have them on Wed or Thurs morning at 1030am. EVERY SINGLE ONE I'VE LOOKED INTO is this way. The only thing I've ever been able to do with him is a swim class (not really suggested to do since he has ear tubes but what were my other options?) on a Sat morning for 4wks. We've done it twice and I am sure we'll do it again because its the only thing available. I am lucky to have Mondays off and can take him to the museum or the park when the weather is nice and his allergies are killing him but I'd love to do something socially interacting while spending time with him. I'd love to meet moms in my area with kids his age. I'd love to be able to be teaching him something while having fun. But again the punishment for working is that I am cut out of this. I am not only going against the mom guilt in me that so badly wants to stay home with him (maybe not 100% of the time but a hell of a lot more than I do) and spend this short time that he is so sweet and loving and young and wants me there with him, but also the fact that I know if I chose that route we'd be living in a box on the corner. I am sure said box would get pretty cramped pretty quickly with a family of soon to be 4, plus 2 dogs a cat and 3 fish. I frequently feel looked down on by moms who dont work. As if they are being better moms because they can do all of the above with their babies while I spend nearly 12hrs a day with some one elses. I am not saying I am singled out specifically by all these groups and am degraded by them. But reading blogs and posts and looking at meet up and gym calenders makes me feel that way. If I were to chose to work out 5+ days a week I would lose precious quality time with my son and miss more than I already do. Miss his sweet bed time and his sweet cuddles and love. Things that I already miss enough of.
So do I look amazingly hot nearly 2yrs after my son is born? No. Do I think this is a goal that I'll achieve in the near future (or at least not long after #2 is born)? Probably not. Time with my babies is more important that 10-20lbs and a smaller pants size. One day when they are older and would rather play with friends or can come with me or I am able to spend more time with them other parts of the day, then yes. I do believe I can do it. I can come up with a neat crafty craft that I can brag about. That I can be excited to teach and show others how to do. That I can say "Yes I have finally reached my ultimate goal weight". It just becomes very hard to stay in this mind set when everywhere I look some days I have the opposite slapping me in the face. Working is not an option for me, its not as if I am choosing to leave my baby at home every morning before he even wakes up and not get home until a couple of hrs before his bed time. Its required to live, to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. A fact I think many SAHMs miss definitely not all but many. I know there are moms who financially its better for them to stay home due to the insane cost of childcare.
I am by no means saying staying at home is easy. In fact its quite the opposite. Its hard and tiring and you dont get a break (while neither do I technically or literally). I think that there's a loneliness and an isolation that can come with staying at home. But you have options. You have the ability to watch your babies grow up and know that you are there every second being able to be there and help and watch them. You know everything they did that day and can say YOU raised your baby not daycare or a sitter. You are able to take part in the play groups and play dates. You can take your baby to story time at the library something that unless I get lucky I wont be able to do.
I love E's daycare. I love that he has learned so much and has been able to make friends and play and comes home with art work. But I would love to teach him those things. Yes I do work with him on them and love seeing things click in his head. But having 2hrs in the evening which includes cooking dinner, baths, bedtime routine anything else cuts in to that.
I dont know maybe I am afraid that there will come a day where he is angry that I wasnt there enough for him. Or I look at him and realize that I have missed everything......
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