Same As Before

Please be kind as this is being done on my phone.

"It is not enough for me to stand before you tonight and condemn riots. It would be morally irresponsible for me to do that without, at the same time, condemning the contingent, intolerable conditions that exist in our society. These conditions are the things that cause individuals to feel that they have no other alternative than to engage in violent rebellions to get attention. And I must say tonight that a riot is the language of the unheard." -Martin Luther King Jr 

Powerful words written nearly 60 years ago that still ring true today. 

As I watch and learn of the riots in Baltimore my heart breaks. People who have no way to be fully heard, and fully understood than acts of violence and chaos. While people hundreds of miles away condemn them and speak words of hatred. People who have never felt the pain and anguish as these have. People who have never felt the helplessness and fear these have. People who have never felt the injustice as these have. Yet these people feel they can decide who and what she be done. The correct way they should have acted and should have said. I could not imagine the pain of feeling your words and life mean less than others because of how you look, could not imagine the fear of knowing that no matter how hard you try and how loud you speak your voice is still quieter than the white man next to you. I could not imagine the struggle of having to do twice as good as others just to be counted as half. The riots aren't because they don't want to listen to authority. It is because authority is not listening to them. The death of a man should not be ignored. Justice should be served even if it is to those supposed to uphold the law. 

There are no excuses, no if onlys, no amount of I'm sorrys that can help this situation. Justice and change. But how can that be done when the need for change comes from people who are ignored. Why bother with something as hard as change when you can push it aside. Ignore those so desperate for it unail you can no longer ignore it. Then let's blame them for the mess. Wrong. No one but ourselves to blame. No one but those who swept these people under the rug for so long to blame. We like to live in this special bubble we have built around ourselves so we don't see the ugly. It doesn't exist if we can't see it. We can't control what others do if we don't see them. Wrong. Speaking up for those who can't or those who are ignored. Open our eyes to see the ugly and try to change it. People are opressed, and people are suffering right here in our backyards, in our schools, not half way around the world. Right here. 

So before you say something about the desperate actions of others look around, what have you done to try to help, or spoken up or even taken the time to understand the real issues behind their actions. What would you do if you were them? 

Turning the Page

It's been a long week. This week has been a week of wonderful highs. I celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary on Sat. It's been a wonderful weekend. A great dinner with just A and myself, then came home to E and O, ready for bed and worn out by their cousins. I didnt have to worry about them while gone and they were super happy for the time to play. I got to love on my kids and my husband and not have to worry about other things. I got to play on the trampoline and enjoy the nice early spring air. I got to hide under the blankets while being ambushed with Nerf bullets form A and E. It's been a great weekend. I also did a ton of reflecting over the weekend. I realized that where I am currently in my life, with my family and my friends is a great place to be. I am so happy and content with where we are going and the things we are working towards. There will always be bumps in the road but with these wonderful guys by my side they can help make sure these bumps dont become car consuming pot holes. 

It became clear what amazing friends I have in my life. Many more than I realized. People who stand up for me when needed. People who make me laugh and are there for me to confide in. People who allow me to be me and love me just for that. These women also help keep me from falling into the pot holes of life. They allow me to vent, and they listen. They give me amazing distractions and make me laugh when I need to. They help me in more ways than they will ever know. I am so blessed and grateful for these women. 

There have also been some super low lows this week. I've realized how strong my close group of friends are and I've realized how weak I can be. I've realized that while I feel I can trust others I cannot. I've realized that many times 'friends' are nothing more than a screen, an avatar, a small thumbnail picture. Not what I thought they were, not who I thought they were, and not how things seem. Screens give others more courage than alcohol, more words than a dictionary and more power than they need. They can wonderfully build people up and just a quick shut them down. I am so thankful I am surrounding myself with more that build up and less of those that shut down. More of those that help guide me on the right path and less of those that make me stray. I am learning what I am built of and what others are built of. Not something you'd think one would be doing while rounding the corner on their mid-thirties. I know who I am and what I stand for, but learning who others are and what they stand for is different. Not everyone is made of the same fiber and that's fine. Everyone needs to learn these things. I have been lucky enough to live in a bubble. One that doesn't have a need to be skeptical of others, one that I can trust and take things for what they seem. I dont have to wonder if what I see and hear is the truth. 

I can say that I am a very lucky woman. I have so much to be thankful for and I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with this. 

There are things that I grew up doing. Things that I loved to do as a kid but now seems like a crazy idea. Today my boys got to enjoy one of those simple pleasures. They played in the rain. They went outside on their own and jumped on the trampoline while it rained down on them. It was a chilly rain but they didnt care. They played until we made them come in. Well over an hour. They were barefoot and happy. In love with just being free outside. They got to experience a little bit of what I did regularly. Then later they went back out and played with bugs. They discovered gnats can get through the mesh on their trampoline so they caught them, some they squished some they showed mercy on and let go. They held grasshoppers on the porch and searched for lady bugs. They got dirty, they got wet, they had fun. They were asking for bed come bedtime. I will never forget the memories from today. The sheer joy in their laughs from jumping in the rain. The surprised screams when a bug jumped from their tiny hands. It was a great day. As busy as we are, we dont get enough of these. We have to take more time for us. We have to realize that other things and deadlines can wait. That our boys will only be boys for a little while longer. That the days go by too fast. That every day they are a little older, a little further from being tiny and a little closer to being grown. To having sports, and friends and everything else that will soon become our normal. But for today we have them little. We have giggles and bugs and playing in the rain.

I am a super hero! Being a mom has done it. No not the carrying and birthing them part. Any adoptive, foster or negligent mom can tell you carrying and birthing a baby does not always make you a mother. Being a mother makes you one! So since I have obviously done an A+ job of this I have been enabled with super powers. I am guessing you are probably wondering what those are. Here is where I tell you!

1. Faster than a speeding bullet has nothing on faster than a kid falling out of a chair. Or faster than a falling sippy cup full of grape juice over carpet! I can sense something falling before it falls and with my super cat like reflexes catch it before the plate of dino nuggets with bbq sauce has time to fall on the floor and cause a melt down in a 2 yr old!

2. Super hearing. I can hear my baby crying from one floor away with 2 televisions on while my 2yr old runs around the loft screaming "It's time to be a knight and do it right!" and my husband is asking me where something is.

3. I am an empath. What not a super power? Tell that to the show Charmed! I know exactly how my baby feels before he even feels it. When we are at the dr. and they come in with shots and ask me to help hold them down. My heart breaks knowing that the trust my babe has in me to keep him safe and unharmed will temporarily be broken. I know how hurt my 2yr old feels when some one wont play with him. When he looks at me and says "Momma I love you so much." my heart is just as full as his is. When he screams and throws himself down because he is mad that I wont give him 5 oreos after he snuck 2 already. I know exactly how mad he is because I am just as mad.

4. I can exist on little to no sleep. Normal humans cannot survive on a mere few broken hrs of  sleep each night for months on end. We super heros do this nightly for years. I am currently going on just over 2.5yrs of it.

5. I fight bad guys. I slay monsters, battle dragons and chase away scary shadows. Enabled with the powers to launch assault on these horrible creatures and allowing young children to fall asleep.

Now you may not feel these powers make me a super hero but show me someone who doesnt have these and not feel like they are a super hero! These are badges of honor bestowed on those most fit. There are definitely other powers I would like to add to my collection such as mind reading, teleporting, and the power to freeze time.

Ten ways to wake up a sleeping baby in a quiet house. These are tried and true methods guaranteed to nicely wake your little one from a deep deep slumber.

1. Sit down to pee. The sensitive ears of your babe can hear your bare bottom touch the surface of your porcelain throne, even with a flight of stairs and a shut door between you.

2. Lay down to take a nap of your own. This action sets off immedate radar to make the baby not just wake up but scream at  pitch that ONLY moms and dogs can hear. Dads usually do not hear the cry and fall asleep anyway.

3. Get in the shower. Babies like to see how quickly you can get in and get out and still consider yourself clean. So they do not start screaming until you have gotten yourself completely soaked and the loofah lathered.

4. Search the internet. Have something you want to look up? Have free time you'd like to spend on facebook? Heh! Good luck. Babies feel the internet is best experienced while trying to nurse/feed/change a diaper while also on it.

5. Return a phone call. Seriously what good is an important call with out a screaming baby as background music?

6. Try to eat. Babies feel no one should eat alone so when you eat they eat, even if they've eaten 20min prior.

7. Start a movie or television show. Who wants to miss such quality viewing time? Not a baby!!

8. Quiet time with your significant other. Not necessarily the horizontal mambo but just cuddling on the couch or any type of physical touch, even as small as holding hands. It remains a mystery how a sleeping baby upstairs can know that his father grabbed his moms hand downstairs while standing in the kitchen talking.

9. Start cooking something. Even if its boiling water a baby will know. Their tiny noses are sensitive enough to pick up on the slightest smells of the stove turning on or the oven warming up.

10. Pop open an adult beverage. Babies can hear the pop of a wine cork, the twist of a beer top and they can sense the need in an over exhausted parents voice as they lay them down in their bed!! This is just too much excitement and grown up time for a baby to allow!!

Now I am sure there are many other ways to wake a sleeping baby in a quiet house but these are just a few of the methods I've seen work with out fail!!

Demonology 102

Three months in to welcoming number 2 we have seen huge changes in our little turkey butt! He is such a great big brother. There are times that I feel the demon that is, has gone in to hiding. That the sweet loving little man is back for good. Then all of a sudden the tide turns! For example I was just told to go to time out for eating my own donut! When I questioned his authority, my donuts were swiftly grabbed off the table and a  "NO momma my donuts!" growled out. I then pointed out his new time out chair and the sweet boy reemerged and my donuts were handed back. The term melt down has a whole new meaning lately. It is not just a nooo!! Its a complete loss of brain function. The legs flail about as the word No! is screamed as many times as humanly possible. But the new moments of sharing with his brother and lately I've gotten a ton of extra I love you's totally make up for it. There is something great about a tiny voice calling you "Babe" because that is what he hears his daddy call you. I love coming home and having him run to me so happy to see me. Becoming a big brother has really changed him for the better. The look of pride he gets when he makes O smile is so great. Now there are times when he tells me to put the baby down. And if at all possible I do. It means he needs some time for him and I do that. The baby gets so much more attention that I feel that if E asks for it, he deserves it. He has earned it. I can say for a big part the term Demon can be shelved for the moment. Showing off what he recently learned or singing Taylor Swift songs at the top of his lungs has replaced hitting and biting. 

Now with the change he has become a tiny dictator. He now feels its ok to tell everyone what to say and when and what to do and when. He is a big brother and bossing others around is obviously something that needs practice so that when O is old enough to listen and follow he is a pro. I so look forward to seeing the two grow. 

I need to apologize in advance for all errors in this. It is NOT easy to blog with a 2yr old and nearly 3mon old. Not only does it get hard to keep a single train of thought over the course of hours it also takes forever!!

The events of this week have been horrible. Everyone is quick to say "If only we had God in schools". While I feel that would be great I dont think that is the answer. Why does everyone feel if God were in schools that our world would be amazing? Why dont they say if WE had God. If we started at home with God and shared his word to those who needed it. If we woke up each morning and realized God was with us and followed us wherever we went (including school). Just because some one walks through the doors of a school does not mean they leave him at the door. No the teachers are no longer allowed to lead prayer every day but that does not stop the students, that does not stop anyone from sharing His word. Blaming the fact that we cannot have organized prayer in school doesnt stop a mentally ill person from coming in. It doesnt stop evil from entering. It doesnt stop students from praying. If we started and ended our days with the word of God wouldnt that mean he is with us through out the day? Or does he exist solely on our pillows? Is he left there after we say Amen waiting until we return? No. He follows us wherever we go. He is there holding us while evil attacks. Were the events Friday Gods will? No I dont believe so. I  believe evil got in.

One question I have regularly asked myself in the nearly 2.5yrs I've been a parent is 'How do you stop your son from becoming this?'. When does your beautiful sweet loving baby become this horrible evil monster capable of doing this kind of thing? Did he not feel understood? Did he not feel like he was loved enough. I know the term mental illness has been said many times but I dont think I've seen where it was an official diagnosis. I smother the boys in love. I make sure they know they are so important to me and so is what happens in their lives. I ask E how his day at daycare was everyday and make sure he knows I am there for him. I dont want something to be wrong and me miss it then our lives play out on the evening news after some horrific event. I want to see what is there. I wonder what red flags were missed or ignored by family, friends, teachers, co-workers, employers and so on. What warning signs were over looked because things werent taken seriously enough? What could have been done to stop this? If he was mentally ill what could have been done to stop this? Where did the system fail him and eventually those that lost their lives? How can we change things to make sure history does not repeat itself?

I fear for the world my children will grow up in. I am terrified of how things seem to be so escalated by the media that each psycho seems to want to top the next. Where are we going from here? What will it take to stop this?

Keep them busy!

Having a second baby has been amazing! I love this little man so much. But it also comes with its hurdles. One is money. Babies arent expensive care for them is!! Daycare that is! So having to put out more than double what we do now we are still trying to find ways to do things as a family. I love taking Evan places and doing things with him. Having a second baby is not going to change that. In fact I want to continue to do them and more to include O in our family!! So I spent some time looking around finding things that are fun but cheap or free to do. So far I have a list of 25 things to do in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area for a family of 4. This is when you are paying for all 4 memebers. Technically E still gets in free almost anywhere, but I wanted a list that others could use. These are things and places we would take our kids. Not a place where a 2yr old would get in to trouble or break things or get out of hand. I wanted things that are very kid and family friendly. Surprisingly our area has tons of these places and I am excited to do them. Another amazing fact is that of all of these activities the most expensive is $26!! Several of these things are outdoors and subject to weather but thats why you save the indoor places for a rainy or too hot day!
 We have already done a few of these things and I am now looking forward to doing the rest. I have nearly 6mon of wknd trips now planned!!
 1)Train at Trinity Park- $15
2)Log Cabin Village- $19
3)Botanic Gardens-free
4)Cattle Drive in Stockyards-free
5)Planetarium-$18
6)Omni theater- $26
7)Cow girl museum-$20
8)Dallas museum of art childrens art exhibit- $20
9)Kimbell Art Museum-Free
10)Nasher Sculpture Center-$20
11)Trinity Park with Duck Pond-free
12)Stockyards Museum-Free
13)Texas Cowboys Hall of Fame tour- $16
14)Stockyards Petting Zoo- $4
15)Grapevine Public Art Walk-Free
16)Nash Farm-Free
17)Homestead Farm-Free
18)Dallas Herritage Village-Free
19)Texas Discovery Gardens-Free
20)Cedar Ridge Preserve hiking-Free
21)Fire Station No. 1-Free
22)Ft. Worth Water Gardens-Free
23)Monnig Meteorite Gallery-Free
24)CR Smith Museum-$16
25)Fort Worth Nature Center & Refuge-Free\

 None of these things include food items but many of them can totally be picnic lunches!

Demonology 101

I love my son, I do. More than anything else on earth. He literally is the reason I do anything and everything. He is sweet, smart, happy, and seriously cute. He is by every definition a Mommas Boy and I couldnt be more thrilled about that. My husband recently went on an over night fishing trip and we had an ice cream date, and snuggled in bed watching Cars 2 until he fell asleep. He was even able to sleep in my bed and we cuddled most of the night. Those are the times I will truly miss when he is no longer an only. But its no new thing that I call him a demon. Because well, thats what you call something/someone that screams, throws things, hits, has been known to bite, and many other unfavorable behaviors. Normally this nickname is said in a joking manner. My little man tends to be very well behaved and very sweet. Until about 2wks ago that is. The terrible twos set in with a vengeance and are yet to be exorcised from him, they also show no signs of letting go. As I type he leaning against the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table (something he knows not to do), screaming for his binky, watching The Smurfs and eating raisins all simultaneously. Oh look he just dumped out the ENTIRE container of raisins hitting his little twisty car track and taking it down with it. (Thankfully the living vacuums are there to the rescue). He has never been a good sleeper and it has been regularly getting worse. Minus the apparent growth spurt recently that had him sleeping all night with out one wake up, and sleeping in his bed with out an hr+ long fight. Fast forward to the 2min mark here and you get the basic idea! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=243EWmazx8A How does one deal with such demonic activity on a daily basis one might question. Holy water and a crucifix does NOTHING for this problem. However I have very recently come to a big realization. One thing that truly helps and calms the demons is some simple one on one time. No t.v., no distractions, nothing. Just me and the little man and whatever simple activity we tend to be doing. Earlier today I found a way to clean our couches on pinterest and was doing that. He decided he wanted to clean too so I gave him a towel and he "helped". The entire time he was loving on me (some of my favorite moments of the day) and being actually very helpful. The moment my attention was taken off of him, however, BAM full demonic explosion and he was trying to get into several chemicals and screaming for strawberry milk. Finished said distraction and things returned to the happy sweet way they were before. I fear for #2 because when given the chance E likes to force sharing on him. Last night he was trying desperately to shove crackers into my belly button to share with baby O. He then wanted to share his cars with him and again tried to force them into my belly button. Obviously my belly button is direct access to the baby. As long as I sit there allowing him to try he is fine. If I for whatever reason try to tell him its not going to work he pushes harder and screams "No I share baby O". Again letting him try until he is done and feels he has shared enough usually keeps the demon at bay. There are times NONE of this (and then some) works and he does whatever he can to push every button you have and ensure you will become prematurely gray and drive you into what can only be hopefully called a humane old folks home. At those times I look at him and thank God I was blessed with such a strong willed little boy and pray that one day it will work in my favor and he will be strong and smart and know who he really is in his own person. And not turn to outside influences for these confirmations. I also pray that the word no is forgotten from his vocabulary and he also realizes that he is only 2 and CANNOT do everything on his own, and begins accepting help from his Momma again.:)

I have been tossing around several different things to blog about lately. But today something hit me that I feel I need to get off my chest/vent about.

I hate seeing blogs of moms who have lost tons of weight and who have figured out how to do this amazingly crafty thing and the endless babywearing/cloth diaper/breast feeding meet ups for and by moms WHO DONT WORK! I would love to take E to a mom and me class, or a gym class or ANYTHING to get some special quality time with him but guess what I am extremely punished because I work. They dont have mom and me gym class at 7pm on a Wednesday evening. They dont have babywearing meet ups on a Friday night. No instead they have them on Wed or Thurs morning at 1030am. EVERY SINGLE ONE I'VE LOOKED INTO is this way. The only thing I've ever been able to do with him is a swim class (not really suggested to do since he has ear tubes but what were my other options?) on a Sat morning for 4wks. We've done it twice and I am sure we'll do it again because its the only thing available. I am lucky to have Mondays off and can take him to the museum or the park when the weather is nice and his allergies are killing him but I'd love to do something socially interacting while spending time with him. I'd love to meet moms in my area with kids his age. I'd love to be able to be teaching him something while having fun. But again the punishment for working is that I am cut out of this. I am not only going against the mom guilt in me that so badly wants to stay home with him (maybe not 100% of the time but a hell of a lot more than I do) and spend this short time that he is so sweet and loving and young and wants me there with him, but also the fact that I know if I chose that route we'd be living in a box on the corner. I am sure said box would get pretty cramped pretty quickly with a family of soon to be 4, plus 2 dogs a cat and 3 fish. I frequently feel looked down on by moms who dont work. As if they are being better moms because they can do all of the above with their babies while I spend nearly 12hrs a day with some one elses. I am not saying I am singled out specifically by all these groups and am degraded by them. But reading blogs and posts and looking at meet up and gym calenders makes me feel that way. If I were to chose to work out 5+ days a week I would lose precious quality time with my son and miss more than I already do. Miss his sweet bed time and his sweet cuddles and love. Things that I already miss enough of.

So do I look amazingly hot nearly 2yrs after my son is born? No. Do I think this is a goal that I'll achieve in the near future (or at least not long after #2 is born)? Probably not. Time with my babies is more important that 10-20lbs and a smaller pants size. One day when they are older and would rather play with friends or can come with me or I am able to spend more time with them other parts of the day, then yes. I do believe I can do it. I can come up with a neat crafty craft that I can brag about. That I can be excited to teach and show others how to do. That I can say "Yes I have finally reached my ultimate goal weight". It just becomes very hard to stay in this mind set when everywhere I look some days I have the opposite slapping me in the face. Working is not an option for me, its not as if I am choosing to leave my baby at home every morning before he even wakes up and not get home until a couple of hrs before his bed time. Its required to live, to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. A fact I think many SAHMs miss definitely not all but many. I know there are moms who financially its better for them to stay home due to the insane cost of childcare.

I am by no means saying staying at home is easy. In fact its quite the opposite. Its hard and tiring and you dont get a break (while neither do I technically or literally). I think that there's a loneliness and an isolation that can come with staying at home. But you have options. You have the ability to watch your babies grow up and know that you are there every second being able to be there and help and watch them. You know everything they did that day and can say YOU raised your baby not daycare or a sitter. You are able to take part in the play groups and play dates. You can take your baby to story time at the library something that unless I get lucky I wont be able to do.

I love E's daycare. I love that he has learned so much and has been able to make friends and play and comes home with art work. But I would love to teach him those things. Yes I do work with him on them and love seeing things click in his head. But having 2hrs in the evening which includes cooking dinner, baths, bedtime routine anything else cuts in to that.

I dont know maybe I am afraid that there will come a day where he is angry that I wasnt there enough for him. Or I look at him and realize that I have missed everything......

When I first started this blog I did a lot of recipes. I feel its time to do another one!! Here is my own recipe for homemade can chicken chili!!

2 Boneless skinless Chicken breasts cut into pieces small enough for you. LOL!
1 can chili beans
1 can kidney beans
1/2 bag frozen corn
1 can crushed tomatoes
cumin
chili powder
salt
pepper
Mrs. Dash spicy seasoning

Cook the chicken in a skillet until well done adding cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, and Mrs. Dash.

Transfer chicken to a larger pot.

Empty and drain kidney beans and pour into pot.
Add chili beans, corn and crushed tomatoes. Simmer for about 10mins. Add cumin, and chili powder.

Cook until kidney beans are soft.

Serve!! Its soo yummy even E loves it and it makes plenty for left-overs/lunch the next day. Oh and its also soo much better the next day too!!!

One thing I have seen become an issue it the over use of social media. Of course this is one type as is Facebook, Twitter and everything in between. I use them and I will probably link this post to my facebook page. But I also believe it has taken us away from things that really matter most. I personally dont post huge details of my life on there. I very much edit what I say and how its worded. I dont cuss and I dont post things I dont want my extended family to see. There will never be juicy gory details about things on there. Most of my photo albums are private and only certain groups can see certain ones and a select few of those groups can see them all. I am not ashamed to say that there is a long list of people blocked from seeing things on my profile. I think that its a page for friends and family but also some where I can maintain privacy of my life and still stay in contact with extended family that I dont see often or live out of state. I do have times where I post more often than others. Times where I annoy myself at how much I update my status. But usually that is out of sheer boredom not from me actually thinking others want to know how yummy my lunch was. There have been several people cancel their FB page or resolve to stay off of it this year and while no I dont do that I do resolve to make sure I hold myself to what I see and think of others. If I am just done reading your endless rants on how unjust the world is to you, I will make sure not to do that myself, and so on. And by the way the world is not as horrible and wrong and harsh as many make it seem. Yes things can suck but seriously no one has a bad day 365 days in a row. And if you do you need to look into getting some professional help or making some huge changes because thats no way to live. And honestly most do NOT want to read it every day all day. Another thing DO NOT post your phone number on here when you have 758 friends and have never met the majority of them in person. Thats just screaming hey I am a retarded teenager here is my number call me so we can get together and you can murder me!! Come on people common sense here. I love seeing all the great pics of babies and friends babies and things like that. Those are great but when you have 17 different profile pics all of you taken from the same angle in different outfits in the bathroom, maybe we should add a little diversity and take a pic from a new angle when the toilet is not in the back ground. Yes I know I tend to just have one of many pics of my kid instead of spicing up the profile pic there but I tend to hate pics of me and he is just soo cute. And never once has it been a pic as I described above. Ok I do believe I can get off my soapbox now!! LOL!

Wow it really has been a while!! Lets do a quick catch up. The holidays were awesome. E was a pirate for Halloween, loved all the food at Thanksgiving and got way too many gifts at Christmas!! He makes the holidays so worth it! Everything is just better with him. I am currently waiting for my awesome hubby to get home so we can go to eat dinner before he goes to watch a UFC fight tonight. Yay I get cuddle time with my little man alone and he gets time with the guys. Two very needed things. So as I was saying I am currently here waiting having lets just say "some" wine and blogging away.

Something happened recently that has made me all too aware of how completely out of control we are of our own lives. How things will happen in Gods time and His way no matter what we want, need or do. We dont always know the reason behind them but there is one. I do believe that. I have to believe that. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger right? Makes us more aware of the things around us and how easily everything is taken for granted and can so quickly be taken away. I do not feel as if I have been punished for some misdeed I have done in my life. I dont think things work out like that. (Although we wont tell Evan that because when I ask him to come here and he runs and falls down I tell him the floor made him fall because he wasnt listening. LOL!) Had one small thing changed for those before me, my world could be so incredibly different or in fact nonexistent. So I do believe there are reasons for the choices we're given and the consequences and actions that follow the choice we chose. Life doesnt end because we have a bad day or something bad happens to us. It keeps on going and so do we. On to the next adventure in life waiting for us. Something better or just different than the path we were just on. That has changed because it needed to. No there arent always explanations behind why things happen and we may never know the reasons during this lifetime but its not something for us to figure out. No matter how hard or horrible it is, we have to go on. There are others in our lives that need us and depend on us. Dwelling on things wont change them or make them easier. But remembering them and reminding ourselves to be thankful for them does.

Sunday will be the 1yr anniversary of the death of my niece. She wasnt even 5months old and yet she was taken from her family and this earth by causes still unknown. There is nothing right or easy about that. My sister has had to go on every day since then knowing what has happened. But I can tell you that its made her so much more concentrated on her life right now. Not the past not the future right now. Lailas death doesnt get better, but it does get easier. When a band aide is ripped off the skin it hurts immediately but as time passes the pain eases and just the red mark is left. The scar from the wound under neath my never go away and will always be a reminder of what happened but the pain from it and the band aide will ease. My sister is definitely a hero to most and that includes me.

I love how the news dramatizes stories. It really cracks me up sometimes. A little while ago I tuned in to watch One Life to Live. I only get to watch it one day a week so I like to catch it when I can (which is still rare). There has been a huge chemical plant explosion not too far from here and is puffing horrible chemicals into the air. Yes this is a massive disaster that is doing severe damage to our air, and everything. One of the news ladies was just speaking with some one on the fire dept and she asked how long this can burn. Well the man said hours and there could be some small areas still burning for days. The chemicals were highly flammable and are continuously exploding. What does the lady hear? She hears the days part and so she says If you missed that these fires will be burning for days. Stay in doors and get up wind. o_O. I never heard anything like that. I heard hours and some small areas days. All I hear in my head when I hear things like that is "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!". Then not even 10 min later the same lady says something like "Oh look the color of smoke has changed it looks like they may be getting some control over this fire". (insert eye rolling emoticon here).

I have officially become addicted to Pinterest! Its the most amazing DIY and idea site EVER!! I already have most of my Christmas gifts planned out from things I've found on Pinterest. I have also cooked recipes from there and tried several hairstyles. There are also endless photography tutorials on it. I think I may begin to drool as soon as I log on. LOL!

My little sister is getting married! Let the drama begin! Many including me, do not agree with every decision she is making but guess what...its HER WEDDING!! It cracks me up that people try so hard to make her change her mind to fit what they want for her wedding. If she wants to dress everyone up like a leprechaun and walk down the aisle to "Achy Breaky Heart" she has every right to. Its her money, her pictures, her wedding. There are some things she has picked out that I like and some things I dont. Meh who's to say everyone loved the pink and chocolate brown I did for my wedding. In fact I got told the tuxes were ugly. I was very glad they felt that way! Let her have her fun with her day. Although Austin said she's doing the whole thing the wrong way! He said your second wedding is a drive thru in Vegas and spending your money on hoes and blow. Ha!

I love how the news dramatizes stories. It really cracks me up sometimes. A little while ago I tuned in to watch One Life to Live. I only get to watch it one day a week so I like to catch it when I can (which is still rare). There has been a huge chemical plant explosion not too far from here and is puffing horrible chemicals into the air. Yes this is a massive disaster that is doing severe damage to our air, and everything. One of the news ladies was just speaking with some one on the fire dept and she asked how long this can burn. Well the man said hours and there could be some small areas still burning for days. The chemicals were highly flammable and are continuously exploding. What does the lady hear? She hears the days part and so she says If you missed that these fires will be burning for days. Stay in doors and get up wind. o_O. I never heard anything like that. I heard hours and some small areas days. All I hear in my head when I hear things like that is "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!". Then not even 10 min later the same lady says something like "Oh look the color of smoke has changed it looks like they may be getting some control over this fire". .

I have officially become addicted to Pinterest! Its the most amazing DIY and idea site EVER!! I already have most of my Christmas gifts planned out from things I've found on Pinterest. I have also cooked recipes from there and tried several hairstyles. There are also endless photography tutorials on it. I think I may begin to drool as soon as I log on. LOL!

My little sister is getting married! Let the drama begin! Many including me, do not agree with every decision she is making but guess what...its HER WEDDING!! It cracks me up that people try so hard to make her change her mind to fit what they want for her wedding. If she wants to dress everyone up like a leprechaun and walk down the aisle to "Achy Breaky Heart" she has every right to. Its her money, her pictures, her wedding. There are some things she has picked out that I like and some things I dont. Meh who's to say everyone loved the pink and chocolate brown I did for my wedding. In fact I got told the tuxes were ugly. I was very glad they felt that way! Let her have her fun with her day. Although Austin said she's doing the whole thing the wrong way! He said your second wedding is a drive thru in Vegas and spending your money on hoes and blow. Ha!

This is my personal blog and all opinions on here are just like this blog my personal ones. I do not think differently of those that think, act or believe differently than I do. Infact I very much welcome it. I want to learn more about different lifestyles and beliefs and such. It was recently pointed out to me that I do things differently than others. Haha! Even though I already knew this it was nice to get an outsiders opinion of things. The decisions I make and have made do not change the way I feel about those who have not made them or made different choices. In my head its as simple as here is A and B you chose A and I chose B. Its not better or worse just different. I was also recently (for the umpteenth time) referred to as a tree hugging hippie. Even though I am far from it I love that when someone comes across something that fits along these lines its me they think of good or bad. I like that I have been able to chose my own path in things and others have chosen theirs. When I am in need of help or advice on things I have no clue about its those who chose differently that I go to. There are people that I know that have done wonderful things and with out these people in my life I would be lost completely. But its when you're lost that you have to find your own way and for this I am thankful for. I felt I had lost my other "sloshing" half (I am sure you know who you are) and was lost. But more than that I was hurt and had no idea what to do about it. The obvious thing would be to confront said "slosher" but that would have been way too easy. Instead I took the hard way out and found my own way. There are always two sides to every story and unless you read the whole book you only get one. Had I done the easier and probably right thing a lot of hurt could have been avoided but I would not have found and learned the things I have. I think that is a hard part of truly growing up. Experiencing that hurt and learning and growing into who you truly are. On Wed I will officially enter the last year of my 20's. And I echo what everyone else seems to say. Your twentys are really a time of growing and learning who you are.

I got to assist in a cloth diaper store this weekend. It was heavenly. I learned so much and decided I am dead set on getting a Becco Gemini! Preferably in the Ginger pattern! I very much believe that no carrier collection is complete with out a Gemini and a Moby. I am sure some will disagree but these two are such great things! I also learned so much about cloth diapers that I never knew and learned the awesomeness of bamboo! I was "paid" in product so I got a Bum Genius pocket and a Simply Baby pocket and 2 bamboo prefolds. I think any prefolds we buy from now on will be hemp or bamboo! They are just so crazy absorbent and nice. I do think the cotton ones we have now are great though. We really have some amazing unbleached prefolds and decent bleached ones. But I would love to have more bamboo or hemp ones.


I started another paragraph about something I've really been weighing but it came out even more of a ramble than the first one is so I will continue to think it over and post it next time! Enjoy my few followers! LOL!

I have recently discovered pinterest! Now I really thought I had no idea what it was all about until I was informed my initial thought was correct! After that I have been increasingly addicted to it! I made 1 recipe already that I found there and have all but 3 items needed for another! Also the DIY crafts are awesome! I am loving it! I have so much planned for Evan this year that I wish I would have had last year. One in particular is making ghosts out of his foot print! I cant wait!

My little man has to have the oddest sized feet ever! They arent too fat height wise but they are very wide. Crazy wide!! But oddly small for his size. A 2 would nicely fit him if they werent so narrow (even 2w is too narrow) so we go up to a 3w but its really long in the length. Meh at some point it'll even out right? LOL!

Speaking of the little man he is EVERYWHERE! His feet are constantly in a run mode and his favorite thing to do is run towards the stairs yelling No! No! I think he thinks if he does this we wont come and stop him from climbing them. Who knows! He has also officially reached the Toddler Tornado stage. The path of Tornado Evan stretches from one end of our house to the other and no clean space is left unturned. *Sigh* I miss the days when I could clean the house and it actually stay that way long enough for me to actually see it all clean at once!

Evan had his 1yr check up recently. During that visit he was supposed to get 2 shots 1 was a booster(MMR) and the other was the varicella vaccine. I have done some research on it and decided to hold off on the varicella. Not forever just to give him time to actually get the chicken pox instead of getting a vax for it. Well the pedi did not at all like this. She's not exactly been grand on many of the choices I've made but this one she down right had a problem with. I do wish I had a more I guess crunchy friendly pedi but I seriously doubt I'd find one around here. This is actually one area my mom agrees with me on. She's against cloth diapering was against extended breast feeding and many other things but she did back me up on this and I was happy about that. I dont think its necessarily something he needs to be vaccinated against. I know the course of chicken pox, I remember having them and how they itched and so on, but also the fact that you dont need a booster in a few years with it and you arent put at risk for shingles at an earlier age from it. Also why is it that they HAVE to have it so early? Why not before kindergarten? He has years before it will even be an issue so I am not understanding why the dr. felt the need to so completely disagree and then say we'd "discuss it at his 15mon check up". I'm fairly sure I'l still feel the same way in 3 months as I do now. I got a letter from daycare today reminding us that he will need updated medical records as of Sept 1. I am hoping this will not be an issue with them too.

Evan has recently been obsessed with a couple of books. He's always loved them like no other but lately its been a crazy love. His current recommendations are Hug by Jez Alborough, Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boyton and Skippyjon Jones Color Crazy by Judy Schachner. The kid is obsessed. He has us read them over and over and over again! He brings us Hug saying Bobo Bobo Bobo (the gorillas name). When we open the cover to Barnyard Dance he sees the cow and moos! I love his love of books and hope it sticks with him. Before bed he's gotten into reading some of those first word books. Where it has a picture and the name of said picture underneath. One is of animals and the other is misc items. And every time I turn the page and say the word he shakes his whole body yes as if to say "Yes momma you are right that is a sheep". LOL! I love him and love watching him explore and learn. We sign with him. He can do some back but not many. He does seem to understand many more signs than he can sign himself. I guess its same with spoken language. He knows what yogurt and hot dog mean but cant actually say it.


Its no secret that I absolutely LOVE cloth diapers. Not only are the more economical, they are better for the baby, and the earth. I have recently found many cloth diaper stores in my area and I could not be happier! I love finding, and learning as much as I can about them. Owning a cloth diaper store would be heaven! I could literally sit and talk about them forever never getting tired of it. Its really become a passion. No idea what I am going to do when we are done having kids and they are all potty trained.

Wow did not realize its been so long since I've blogged. Here is a quick recap of the last month!!

July 4th went great. We went to some of Austins family on the 3rd and had so much fun out there then on the 4th we had some friends and family over for a cookout and to shoot off fireworks. Evan was great with them on the 3rd but when they were closer and louder he wasnt too much of a fan!

The weekend of July 9th we went to the coast. It was a great and much needed vacation. Austin said he didnt get back mentally until last week! LOL! Evan loved the water and just played and played. Had 1 taste of the sand and never went back. Smart boy!! We brought the dogs and they loved it just as much. Our little dog wasnt too excited because the waves would easily go over his head but our big dog who is terrified at the lake was in heaven at the beach. Crazy dog makes no sense!

This past weekend was E's first birthday party. Stressed is putting it lightly. But it ended up being a great day. He was able to play in the splash pad while the big kids played in the water spraying bounce house. He had cake and ice cream and got so many amazing toys. One of his favorites is a Cozy Coupe Car but the turkey keeps pulling it over on him. Thankfully it is a light weight hollow plastic and he can easily crawl out from under it. He also got a little recliner like chair with his name on it and is in love with it as well. He'll just it there and play or drink his bottle or play with Scout his new stuffed dog that he also loves! LOL!

Its such a bittersweet time. I am so happy that he's growing up and proud of the amazing little boy he's become but so sad that he's not so much a baby anymore. It all went by so fast. I truly wish I could go back in time and relive it all over again. Well maybe skipping the colic part! :D He has made this the best year of my life and I can only imagine it gets better. He is such a fun, happy and smart baby. He has the best personality. I frequently look at him and wonder how on earth I helped make such an amazing thing. I just hope that I do the best job I can with him as he gets older and grows from a toddle to a little boy to a young man to a man. Although I do feel a little guilty for the fact that the second he was born my first thought was not "Oh my goodness my sweet precious baby is here" nope it was "Oh geeze thank goodness he's finally out!" Then I though about my sweet precious baby! Ha! I do have to say I look forward to doing it all again but I wonder how I will love a second baby as much as I love E, and how will I be so attached to a second as I am E? I am sure I will love the next one just the same only in a different way. Whenever that time comes though I will be ready for the challenge!

My baby is now closer to a little boy than a baby and that gap widens more and more every day. I miss the sweet soft cuddles and him just laying in my arms. I do love the amazing little person he has come to be, way too much like me but I think I love him even more because of it. I do not however want him back to his baby state. He was by no means an easy baby. Colic, lactose intolerance, never really sleeping through the night, 8 ear infections, the list goes on. But he is a happy and healthy 11 mon old today. Last Monday he figured out how to climb on to the couch and was quite pleased with himself for it! He is still a mommas boy by all means. He loves his momma, gives me sweet kisses, cuddles with me and everything but he's so independent its crazy! I look forward to him being able to do things like run to me when I come home and one day clean up after his tornado like self. For boys, clothes very much get cuter with age and so do shoes. So yes I look forward to all of this, but I am just sad the tiny baby side is gone. A friend of mine had a tiny baby boy last week. So precious and sweet. Congrats Jenn! Enjoy this because its gone all too soon, I'm sure you know that though from Haeven!

I start school next week. I'm a little nervous but so glad to do it. I think its finally time for me to finish my degree and get my RN. There are so many more oppertunities for me with it. Hopefully it wont take me a full year and I'll have my Associates of Science in Nursing sooner than next summer! LOL.