I have been tossing around several different things to blog about lately. But today something hit me that I feel I need to get off my chest/vent about.

I hate seeing blogs of moms who have lost tons of weight and who have figured out how to do this amazingly crafty thing and the endless babywearing/cloth diaper/breast feeding meet ups for and by moms WHO DONT WORK! I would love to take E to a mom and me class, or a gym class or ANYTHING to get some special quality time with him but guess what I am extremely punished because I work. They dont have mom and me gym class at 7pm on a Wednesday evening. They dont have babywearing meet ups on a Friday night. No instead they have them on Wed or Thurs morning at 1030am. EVERY SINGLE ONE I'VE LOOKED INTO is this way. The only thing I've ever been able to do with him is a swim class (not really suggested to do since he has ear tubes but what were my other options?) on a Sat morning for 4wks. We've done it twice and I am sure we'll do it again because its the only thing available. I am lucky to have Mondays off and can take him to the museum or the park when the weather is nice and his allergies are killing him but I'd love to do something socially interacting while spending time with him. I'd love to meet moms in my area with kids his age. I'd love to be able to be teaching him something while having fun. But again the punishment for working is that I am cut out of this. I am not only going against the mom guilt in me that so badly wants to stay home with him (maybe not 100% of the time but a hell of a lot more than I do) and spend this short time that he is so sweet and loving and young and wants me there with him, but also the fact that I know if I chose that route we'd be living in a box on the corner. I am sure said box would get pretty cramped pretty quickly with a family of soon to be 4, plus 2 dogs a cat and 3 fish. I frequently feel looked down on by moms who dont work. As if they are being better moms because they can do all of the above with their babies while I spend nearly 12hrs a day with some one elses. I am not saying I am singled out specifically by all these groups and am degraded by them. But reading blogs and posts and looking at meet up and gym calenders makes me feel that way. If I were to chose to work out 5+ days a week I would lose precious quality time with my son and miss more than I already do. Miss his sweet bed time and his sweet cuddles and love. Things that I already miss enough of.

So do I look amazingly hot nearly 2yrs after my son is born? No. Do I think this is a goal that I'll achieve in the near future (or at least not long after #2 is born)? Probably not. Time with my babies is more important that 10-20lbs and a smaller pants size. One day when they are older and would rather play with friends or can come with me or I am able to spend more time with them other parts of the day, then yes. I do believe I can do it. I can come up with a neat crafty craft that I can brag about. That I can be excited to teach and show others how to do. That I can say "Yes I have finally reached my ultimate goal weight". It just becomes very hard to stay in this mind set when everywhere I look some days I have the opposite slapping me in the face. Working is not an option for me, its not as if I am choosing to leave my baby at home every morning before he even wakes up and not get home until a couple of hrs before his bed time. Its required to live, to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. A fact I think many SAHMs miss definitely not all but many. I know there are moms who financially its better for them to stay home due to the insane cost of childcare.

I am by no means saying staying at home is easy. In fact its quite the opposite. Its hard and tiring and you dont get a break (while neither do I technically or literally). I think that there's a loneliness and an isolation that can come with staying at home. But you have options. You have the ability to watch your babies grow up and know that you are there every second being able to be there and help and watch them. You know everything they did that day and can say YOU raised your baby not daycare or a sitter. You are able to take part in the play groups and play dates. You can take your baby to story time at the library something that unless I get lucky I wont be able to do.

I love E's daycare. I love that he has learned so much and has been able to make friends and play and comes home with art work. But I would love to teach him those things. Yes I do work with him on them and love seeing things click in his head. But having 2hrs in the evening which includes cooking dinner, baths, bedtime routine anything else cuts in to that.

I dont know maybe I am afraid that there will come a day where he is angry that I wasnt there enough for him. Or I look at him and realize that I have missed everything......

When I first started this blog I did a lot of recipes. I feel its time to do another one!! Here is my own recipe for homemade can chicken chili!!

2 Boneless skinless Chicken breasts cut into pieces small enough for you. LOL!
1 can chili beans
1 can kidney beans
1/2 bag frozen corn
1 can crushed tomatoes
cumin
chili powder
salt
pepper
Mrs. Dash spicy seasoning

Cook the chicken in a skillet until well done adding cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, and Mrs. Dash.

Transfer chicken to a larger pot.

Empty and drain kidney beans and pour into pot.
Add chili beans, corn and crushed tomatoes. Simmer for about 10mins. Add cumin, and chili powder.

Cook until kidney beans are soft.

Serve!! Its soo yummy even E loves it and it makes plenty for left-overs/lunch the next day. Oh and its also soo much better the next day too!!!

One thing I have seen become an issue it the over use of social media. Of course this is one type as is Facebook, Twitter and everything in between. I use them and I will probably link this post to my facebook page. But I also believe it has taken us away from things that really matter most. I personally dont post huge details of my life on there. I very much edit what I say and how its worded. I dont cuss and I dont post things I dont want my extended family to see. There will never be juicy gory details about things on there. Most of my photo albums are private and only certain groups can see certain ones and a select few of those groups can see them all. I am not ashamed to say that there is a long list of people blocked from seeing things on my profile. I think that its a page for friends and family but also some where I can maintain privacy of my life and still stay in contact with extended family that I dont see often or live out of state. I do have times where I post more often than others. Times where I annoy myself at how much I update my status. But usually that is out of sheer boredom not from me actually thinking others want to know how yummy my lunch was. There have been several people cancel their FB page or resolve to stay off of it this year and while no I dont do that I do resolve to make sure I hold myself to what I see and think of others. If I am just done reading your endless rants on how unjust the world is to you, I will make sure not to do that myself, and so on. And by the way the world is not as horrible and wrong and harsh as many make it seem. Yes things can suck but seriously no one has a bad day 365 days in a row. And if you do you need to look into getting some professional help or making some huge changes because thats no way to live. And honestly most do NOT want to read it every day all day. Another thing DO NOT post your phone number on here when you have 758 friends and have never met the majority of them in person. Thats just screaming hey I am a retarded teenager here is my number call me so we can get together and you can murder me!! Come on people common sense here. I love seeing all the great pics of babies and friends babies and things like that. Those are great but when you have 17 different profile pics all of you taken from the same angle in different outfits in the bathroom, maybe we should add a little diversity and take a pic from a new angle when the toilet is not in the back ground. Yes I know I tend to just have one of many pics of my kid instead of spicing up the profile pic there but I tend to hate pics of me and he is just soo cute. And never once has it been a pic as I described above. Ok I do believe I can get off my soapbox now!! LOL!

Wow it really has been a while!! Lets do a quick catch up. The holidays were awesome. E was a pirate for Halloween, loved all the food at Thanksgiving and got way too many gifts at Christmas!! He makes the holidays so worth it! Everything is just better with him. I am currently waiting for my awesome hubby to get home so we can go to eat dinner before he goes to watch a UFC fight tonight. Yay I get cuddle time with my little man alone and he gets time with the guys. Two very needed things. So as I was saying I am currently here waiting having lets just say "some" wine and blogging away.

Something happened recently that has made me all too aware of how completely out of control we are of our own lives. How things will happen in Gods time and His way no matter what we want, need or do. We dont always know the reason behind them but there is one. I do believe that. I have to believe that. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger right? Makes us more aware of the things around us and how easily everything is taken for granted and can so quickly be taken away. I do not feel as if I have been punished for some misdeed I have done in my life. I dont think things work out like that. (Although we wont tell Evan that because when I ask him to come here and he runs and falls down I tell him the floor made him fall because he wasnt listening. LOL!) Had one small thing changed for those before me, my world could be so incredibly different or in fact nonexistent. So I do believe there are reasons for the choices we're given and the consequences and actions that follow the choice we chose. Life doesnt end because we have a bad day or something bad happens to us. It keeps on going and so do we. On to the next adventure in life waiting for us. Something better or just different than the path we were just on. That has changed because it needed to. No there arent always explanations behind why things happen and we may never know the reasons during this lifetime but its not something for us to figure out. No matter how hard or horrible it is, we have to go on. There are others in our lives that need us and depend on us. Dwelling on things wont change them or make them easier. But remembering them and reminding ourselves to be thankful for them does.

Sunday will be the 1yr anniversary of the death of my niece. She wasnt even 5months old and yet she was taken from her family and this earth by causes still unknown. There is nothing right or easy about that. My sister has had to go on every day since then knowing what has happened. But I can tell you that its made her so much more concentrated on her life right now. Not the past not the future right now. Lailas death doesnt get better, but it does get easier. When a band aide is ripped off the skin it hurts immediately but as time passes the pain eases and just the red mark is left. The scar from the wound under neath my never go away and will always be a reminder of what happened but the pain from it and the band aide will ease. My sister is definitely a hero to most and that includes me.

I love how the news dramatizes stories. It really cracks me up sometimes. A little while ago I tuned in to watch One Life to Live. I only get to watch it one day a week so I like to catch it when I can (which is still rare). There has been a huge chemical plant explosion not too far from here and is puffing horrible chemicals into the air. Yes this is a massive disaster that is doing severe damage to our air, and everything. One of the news ladies was just speaking with some one on the fire dept and she asked how long this can burn. Well the man said hours and there could be some small areas still burning for days. The chemicals were highly flammable and are continuously exploding. What does the lady hear? She hears the days part and so she says If you missed that these fires will be burning for days. Stay in doors and get up wind. o_O. I never heard anything like that. I heard hours and some small areas days. All I hear in my head when I hear things like that is "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!". Then not even 10 min later the same lady says something like "Oh look the color of smoke has changed it looks like they may be getting some control over this fire". (insert eye rolling emoticon here).

I have officially become addicted to Pinterest! Its the most amazing DIY and idea site EVER!! I already have most of my Christmas gifts planned out from things I've found on Pinterest. I have also cooked recipes from there and tried several hairstyles. There are also endless photography tutorials on it. I think I may begin to drool as soon as I log on. LOL!

My little sister is getting married! Let the drama begin! Many including me, do not agree with every decision she is making but guess what...its HER WEDDING!! It cracks me up that people try so hard to make her change her mind to fit what they want for her wedding. If she wants to dress everyone up like a leprechaun and walk down the aisle to "Achy Breaky Heart" she has every right to. Its her money, her pictures, her wedding. There are some things she has picked out that I like and some things I dont. Meh who's to say everyone loved the pink and chocolate brown I did for my wedding. In fact I got told the tuxes were ugly. I was very glad they felt that way! Let her have her fun with her day. Although Austin said she's doing the whole thing the wrong way! He said your second wedding is a drive thru in Vegas and spending your money on hoes and blow. Ha!

I love how the news dramatizes stories. It really cracks me up sometimes. A little while ago I tuned in to watch One Life to Live. I only get to watch it one day a week so I like to catch it when I can (which is still rare). There has been a huge chemical plant explosion not too far from here and is puffing horrible chemicals into the air. Yes this is a massive disaster that is doing severe damage to our air, and everything. One of the news ladies was just speaking with some one on the fire dept and she asked how long this can burn. Well the man said hours and there could be some small areas still burning for days. The chemicals were highly flammable and are continuously exploding. What does the lady hear? She hears the days part and so she says If you missed that these fires will be burning for days. Stay in doors and get up wind. o_O. I never heard anything like that. I heard hours and some small areas days. All I hear in my head when I hear things like that is "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!". Then not even 10 min later the same lady says something like "Oh look the color of smoke has changed it looks like they may be getting some control over this fire". .

I have officially become addicted to Pinterest! Its the most amazing DIY and idea site EVER!! I already have most of my Christmas gifts planned out from things I've found on Pinterest. I have also cooked recipes from there and tried several hairstyles. There are also endless photography tutorials on it. I think I may begin to drool as soon as I log on. LOL!

My little sister is getting married! Let the drama begin! Many including me, do not agree with every decision she is making but guess what...its HER WEDDING!! It cracks me up that people try so hard to make her change her mind to fit what they want for her wedding. If she wants to dress everyone up like a leprechaun and walk down the aisle to "Achy Breaky Heart" she has every right to. Its her money, her pictures, her wedding. There are some things she has picked out that I like and some things I dont. Meh who's to say everyone loved the pink and chocolate brown I did for my wedding. In fact I got told the tuxes were ugly. I was very glad they felt that way! Let her have her fun with her day. Although Austin said she's doing the whole thing the wrong way! He said your second wedding is a drive thru in Vegas and spending your money on hoes and blow. Ha!

This is my personal blog and all opinions on here are just like this blog my personal ones. I do not think differently of those that think, act or believe differently than I do. Infact I very much welcome it. I want to learn more about different lifestyles and beliefs and such. It was recently pointed out to me that I do things differently than others. Haha! Even though I already knew this it was nice to get an outsiders opinion of things. The decisions I make and have made do not change the way I feel about those who have not made them or made different choices. In my head its as simple as here is A and B you chose A and I chose B. Its not better or worse just different. I was also recently (for the umpteenth time) referred to as a tree hugging hippie. Even though I am far from it I love that when someone comes across something that fits along these lines its me they think of good or bad. I like that I have been able to chose my own path in things and others have chosen theirs. When I am in need of help or advice on things I have no clue about its those who chose differently that I go to. There are people that I know that have done wonderful things and with out these people in my life I would be lost completely. But its when you're lost that you have to find your own way and for this I am thankful for. I felt I had lost my other "sloshing" half (I am sure you know who you are) and was lost. But more than that I was hurt and had no idea what to do about it. The obvious thing would be to confront said "slosher" but that would have been way too easy. Instead I took the hard way out and found my own way. There are always two sides to every story and unless you read the whole book you only get one. Had I done the easier and probably right thing a lot of hurt could have been avoided but I would not have found and learned the things I have. I think that is a hard part of truly growing up. Experiencing that hurt and learning and growing into who you truly are. On Wed I will officially enter the last year of my 20's. And I echo what everyone else seems to say. Your twentys are really a time of growing and learning who you are.

I got to assist in a cloth diaper store this weekend. It was heavenly. I learned so much and decided I am dead set on getting a Becco Gemini! Preferably in the Ginger pattern! I very much believe that no carrier collection is complete with out a Gemini and a Moby. I am sure some will disagree but these two are such great things! I also learned so much about cloth diapers that I never knew and learned the awesomeness of bamboo! I was "paid" in product so I got a Bum Genius pocket and a Simply Baby pocket and 2 bamboo prefolds. I think any prefolds we buy from now on will be hemp or bamboo! They are just so crazy absorbent and nice. I do think the cotton ones we have now are great though. We really have some amazing unbleached prefolds and decent bleached ones. But I would love to have more bamboo or hemp ones.


I started another paragraph about something I've really been weighing but it came out even more of a ramble than the first one is so I will continue to think it over and post it next time! Enjoy my few followers! LOL!

I have recently discovered pinterest! Now I really thought I had no idea what it was all about until I was informed my initial thought was correct! After that I have been increasingly addicted to it! I made 1 recipe already that I found there and have all but 3 items needed for another! Also the DIY crafts are awesome! I am loving it! I have so much planned for Evan this year that I wish I would have had last year. One in particular is making ghosts out of his foot print! I cant wait!

My little man has to have the oddest sized feet ever! They arent too fat height wise but they are very wide. Crazy wide!! But oddly small for his size. A 2 would nicely fit him if they werent so narrow (even 2w is too narrow) so we go up to a 3w but its really long in the length. Meh at some point it'll even out right? LOL!

Speaking of the little man he is EVERYWHERE! His feet are constantly in a run mode and his favorite thing to do is run towards the stairs yelling No! No! I think he thinks if he does this we wont come and stop him from climbing them. Who knows! He has also officially reached the Toddler Tornado stage. The path of Tornado Evan stretches from one end of our house to the other and no clean space is left unturned. *Sigh* I miss the days when I could clean the house and it actually stay that way long enough for me to actually see it all clean at once!

Evan had his 1yr check up recently. During that visit he was supposed to get 2 shots 1 was a booster(MMR) and the other was the varicella vaccine. I have done some research on it and decided to hold off on the varicella. Not forever just to give him time to actually get the chicken pox instead of getting a vax for it. Well the pedi did not at all like this. She's not exactly been grand on many of the choices I've made but this one she down right had a problem with. I do wish I had a more I guess crunchy friendly pedi but I seriously doubt I'd find one around here. This is actually one area my mom agrees with me on. She's against cloth diapering was against extended breast feeding and many other things but she did back me up on this and I was happy about that. I dont think its necessarily something he needs to be vaccinated against. I know the course of chicken pox, I remember having them and how they itched and so on, but also the fact that you dont need a booster in a few years with it and you arent put at risk for shingles at an earlier age from it. Also why is it that they HAVE to have it so early? Why not before kindergarten? He has years before it will even be an issue so I am not understanding why the dr. felt the need to so completely disagree and then say we'd "discuss it at his 15mon check up". I'm fairly sure I'l still feel the same way in 3 months as I do now. I got a letter from daycare today reminding us that he will need updated medical records as of Sept 1. I am hoping this will not be an issue with them too.

Evan has recently been obsessed with a couple of books. He's always loved them like no other but lately its been a crazy love. His current recommendations are Hug by Jez Alborough, Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boyton and Skippyjon Jones Color Crazy by Judy Schachner. The kid is obsessed. He has us read them over and over and over again! He brings us Hug saying Bobo Bobo Bobo (the gorillas name). When we open the cover to Barnyard Dance he sees the cow and moos! I love his love of books and hope it sticks with him. Before bed he's gotten into reading some of those first word books. Where it has a picture and the name of said picture underneath. One is of animals and the other is misc items. And every time I turn the page and say the word he shakes his whole body yes as if to say "Yes momma you are right that is a sheep". LOL! I love him and love watching him explore and learn. We sign with him. He can do some back but not many. He does seem to understand many more signs than he can sign himself. I guess its same with spoken language. He knows what yogurt and hot dog mean but cant actually say it.


Its no secret that I absolutely LOVE cloth diapers. Not only are the more economical, they are better for the baby, and the earth. I have recently found many cloth diaper stores in my area and I could not be happier! I love finding, and learning as much as I can about them. Owning a cloth diaper store would be heaven! I could literally sit and talk about them forever never getting tired of it. Its really become a passion. No idea what I am going to do when we are done having kids and they are all potty trained.

Wow did not realize its been so long since I've blogged. Here is a quick recap of the last month!!

July 4th went great. We went to some of Austins family on the 3rd and had so much fun out there then on the 4th we had some friends and family over for a cookout and to shoot off fireworks. Evan was great with them on the 3rd but when they were closer and louder he wasnt too much of a fan!

The weekend of July 9th we went to the coast. It was a great and much needed vacation. Austin said he didnt get back mentally until last week! LOL! Evan loved the water and just played and played. Had 1 taste of the sand and never went back. Smart boy!! We brought the dogs and they loved it just as much. Our little dog wasnt too excited because the waves would easily go over his head but our big dog who is terrified at the lake was in heaven at the beach. Crazy dog makes no sense!

This past weekend was E's first birthday party. Stressed is putting it lightly. But it ended up being a great day. He was able to play in the splash pad while the big kids played in the water spraying bounce house. He had cake and ice cream and got so many amazing toys. One of his favorites is a Cozy Coupe Car but the turkey keeps pulling it over on him. Thankfully it is a light weight hollow plastic and he can easily crawl out from under it. He also got a little recliner like chair with his name on it and is in love with it as well. He'll just it there and play or drink his bottle or play with Scout his new stuffed dog that he also loves! LOL!

Its such a bittersweet time. I am so happy that he's growing up and proud of the amazing little boy he's become but so sad that he's not so much a baby anymore. It all went by so fast. I truly wish I could go back in time and relive it all over again. Well maybe skipping the colic part! :D He has made this the best year of my life and I can only imagine it gets better. He is such a fun, happy and smart baby. He has the best personality. I frequently look at him and wonder how on earth I helped make such an amazing thing. I just hope that I do the best job I can with him as he gets older and grows from a toddle to a little boy to a young man to a man. Although I do feel a little guilty for the fact that the second he was born my first thought was not "Oh my goodness my sweet precious baby is here" nope it was "Oh geeze thank goodness he's finally out!" Then I though about my sweet precious baby! Ha! I do have to say I look forward to doing it all again but I wonder how I will love a second baby as much as I love E, and how will I be so attached to a second as I am E? I am sure I will love the next one just the same only in a different way. Whenever that time comes though I will be ready for the challenge!