Demonology 102

Three months in to welcoming number 2 we have seen huge changes in our little turkey butt! He is such a great big brother. There are times that I feel the demon that is, has gone in to hiding. That the sweet loving little man is back for good. Then all of a sudden the tide turns! For example I was just told to go to time out for eating my own donut! When I questioned his authority, my donuts were swiftly grabbed off the table and a  "NO momma my donuts!" growled out. I then pointed out his new time out chair and the sweet boy reemerged and my donuts were handed back. The term melt down has a whole new meaning lately. It is not just a nooo!! Its a complete loss of brain function. The legs flail about as the word No! is screamed as many times as humanly possible. But the new moments of sharing with his brother and lately I've gotten a ton of extra I love you's totally make up for it. There is something great about a tiny voice calling you "Babe" because that is what he hears his daddy call you. I love coming home and having him run to me so happy to see me. Becoming a big brother has really changed him for the better. The look of pride he gets when he makes O smile is so great. Now there are times when he tells me to put the baby down. And if at all possible I do. It means he needs some time for him and I do that. The baby gets so much more attention that I feel that if E asks for it, he deserves it. He has earned it. I can say for a big part the term Demon can be shelved for the moment. Showing off what he recently learned or singing Taylor Swift songs at the top of his lungs has replaced hitting and biting. 

Now with the change he has become a tiny dictator. He now feels its ok to tell everyone what to say and when and what to do and when. He is a big brother and bossing others around is obviously something that needs practice so that when O is old enough to listen and follow he is a pro. I so look forward to seeing the two grow. 

I need to apologize in advance for all errors in this. It is NOT easy to blog with a 2yr old and nearly 3mon old. Not only does it get hard to keep a single train of thought over the course of hours it also takes forever!!

The events of this week have been horrible. Everyone is quick to say "If only we had God in schools". While I feel that would be great I dont think that is the answer. Why does everyone feel if God were in schools that our world would be amazing? Why dont they say if WE had God. If we started at home with God and shared his word to those who needed it. If we woke up each morning and realized God was with us and followed us wherever we went (including school). Just because some one walks through the doors of a school does not mean they leave him at the door. No the teachers are no longer allowed to lead prayer every day but that does not stop the students, that does not stop anyone from sharing His word. Blaming the fact that we cannot have organized prayer in school doesnt stop a mentally ill person from coming in. It doesnt stop evil from entering. It doesnt stop students from praying. If we started and ended our days with the word of God wouldnt that mean he is with us through out the day? Or does he exist solely on our pillows? Is he left there after we say Amen waiting until we return? No. He follows us wherever we go. He is there holding us while evil attacks. Were the events Friday Gods will? No I dont believe so. I  believe evil got in.

One question I have regularly asked myself in the nearly 2.5yrs I've been a parent is 'How do you stop your son from becoming this?'. When does your beautiful sweet loving baby become this horrible evil monster capable of doing this kind of thing? Did he not feel understood? Did he not feel like he was loved enough. I know the term mental illness has been said many times but I dont think I've seen where it was an official diagnosis. I smother the boys in love. I make sure they know they are so important to me and so is what happens in their lives. I ask E how his day at daycare was everyday and make sure he knows I am there for him. I dont want something to be wrong and me miss it then our lives play out on the evening news after some horrific event. I want to see what is there. I wonder what red flags were missed or ignored by family, friends, teachers, co-workers, employers and so on. What warning signs were over looked because things werent taken seriously enough? What could have been done to stop this? If he was mentally ill what could have been done to stop this? Where did the system fail him and eventually those that lost their lives? How can we change things to make sure history does not repeat itself?

I fear for the world my children will grow up in. I am terrified of how things seem to be so escalated by the media that each psycho seems to want to top the next. Where are we going from here? What will it take to stop this?

Keep them busy!

Having a second baby has been amazing! I love this little man so much. But it also comes with its hurdles. One is money. Babies arent expensive care for them is!! Daycare that is! So having to put out more than double what we do now we are still trying to find ways to do things as a family. I love taking Evan places and doing things with him. Having a second baby is not going to change that. In fact I want to continue to do them and more to include O in our family!! So I spent some time looking around finding things that are fun but cheap or free to do. So far I have a list of 25 things to do in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area for a family of 4. This is when you are paying for all 4 memebers. Technically E still gets in free almost anywhere, but I wanted a list that others could use. These are things and places we would take our kids. Not a place where a 2yr old would get in to trouble or break things or get out of hand. I wanted things that are very kid and family friendly. Surprisingly our area has tons of these places and I am excited to do them. Another amazing fact is that of all of these activities the most expensive is $26!! Several of these things are outdoors and subject to weather but thats why you save the indoor places for a rainy or too hot day!
 We have already done a few of these things and I am now looking forward to doing the rest. I have nearly 6mon of wknd trips now planned!!
 1)Train at Trinity Park- $15
2)Log Cabin Village- $19
3)Botanic Gardens-free
4)Cattle Drive in Stockyards-free
5)Planetarium-$18
6)Omni theater- $26
7)Cow girl museum-$20
8)Dallas museum of art childrens art exhibit- $20
9)Kimbell Art Museum-Free
10)Nasher Sculpture Center-$20
11)Trinity Park with Duck Pond-free
12)Stockyards Museum-Free
13)Texas Cowboys Hall of Fame tour- $16
14)Stockyards Petting Zoo- $4
15)Grapevine Public Art Walk-Free
16)Nash Farm-Free
17)Homestead Farm-Free
18)Dallas Herritage Village-Free
19)Texas Discovery Gardens-Free
20)Cedar Ridge Preserve hiking-Free
21)Fire Station No. 1-Free
22)Ft. Worth Water Gardens-Free
23)Monnig Meteorite Gallery-Free
24)CR Smith Museum-$16
25)Fort Worth Nature Center & Refuge-Free\

 None of these things include food items but many of them can totally be picnic lunches!

Demonology 101

I love my son, I do. More than anything else on earth. He literally is the reason I do anything and everything. He is sweet, smart, happy, and seriously cute. He is by every definition a Mommas Boy and I couldnt be more thrilled about that. My husband recently went on an over night fishing trip and we had an ice cream date, and snuggled in bed watching Cars 2 until he fell asleep. He was even able to sleep in my bed and we cuddled most of the night. Those are the times I will truly miss when he is no longer an only. But its no new thing that I call him a demon. Because well, thats what you call something/someone that screams, throws things, hits, has been known to bite, and many other unfavorable behaviors. Normally this nickname is said in a joking manner. My little man tends to be very well behaved and very sweet. Until about 2wks ago that is. The terrible twos set in with a vengeance and are yet to be exorcised from him, they also show no signs of letting go. As I type he leaning against the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table (something he knows not to do), screaming for his binky, watching The Smurfs and eating raisins all simultaneously. Oh look he just dumped out the ENTIRE container of raisins hitting his little twisty car track and taking it down with it. (Thankfully the living vacuums are there to the rescue). He has never been a good sleeper and it has been regularly getting worse. Minus the apparent growth spurt recently that had him sleeping all night with out one wake up, and sleeping in his bed with out an hr+ long fight. Fast forward to the 2min mark here and you get the basic idea! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=243EWmazx8A How does one deal with such demonic activity on a daily basis one might question. Holy water and a crucifix does NOTHING for this problem. However I have very recently come to a big realization. One thing that truly helps and calms the demons is some simple one on one time. No t.v., no distractions, nothing. Just me and the little man and whatever simple activity we tend to be doing. Earlier today I found a way to clean our couches on pinterest and was doing that. He decided he wanted to clean too so I gave him a towel and he "helped". The entire time he was loving on me (some of my favorite moments of the day) and being actually very helpful. The moment my attention was taken off of him, however, BAM full demonic explosion and he was trying to get into several chemicals and screaming for strawberry milk. Finished said distraction and things returned to the happy sweet way they were before. I fear for #2 because when given the chance E likes to force sharing on him. Last night he was trying desperately to shove crackers into my belly button to share with baby O. He then wanted to share his cars with him and again tried to force them into my belly button. Obviously my belly button is direct access to the baby. As long as I sit there allowing him to try he is fine. If I for whatever reason try to tell him its not going to work he pushes harder and screams "No I share baby O". Again letting him try until he is done and feels he has shared enough usually keeps the demon at bay. There are times NONE of this (and then some) works and he does whatever he can to push every button you have and ensure you will become prematurely gray and drive you into what can only be hopefully called a humane old folks home. At those times I look at him and thank God I was blessed with such a strong willed little boy and pray that one day it will work in my favor and he will be strong and smart and know who he really is in his own person. And not turn to outside influences for these confirmations. I also pray that the word no is forgotten from his vocabulary and he also realizes that he is only 2 and CANNOT do everything on his own, and begins accepting help from his Momma again.:)

I have been tossing around several different things to blog about lately. But today something hit me that I feel I need to get off my chest/vent about.

I hate seeing blogs of moms who have lost tons of weight and who have figured out how to do this amazingly crafty thing and the endless babywearing/cloth diaper/breast feeding meet ups for and by moms WHO DONT WORK! I would love to take E to a mom and me class, or a gym class or ANYTHING to get some special quality time with him but guess what I am extremely punished because I work. They dont have mom and me gym class at 7pm on a Wednesday evening. They dont have babywearing meet ups on a Friday night. No instead they have them on Wed or Thurs morning at 1030am. EVERY SINGLE ONE I'VE LOOKED INTO is this way. The only thing I've ever been able to do with him is a swim class (not really suggested to do since he has ear tubes but what were my other options?) on a Sat morning for 4wks. We've done it twice and I am sure we'll do it again because its the only thing available. I am lucky to have Mondays off and can take him to the museum or the park when the weather is nice and his allergies are killing him but I'd love to do something socially interacting while spending time with him. I'd love to meet moms in my area with kids his age. I'd love to be able to be teaching him something while having fun. But again the punishment for working is that I am cut out of this. I am not only going against the mom guilt in me that so badly wants to stay home with him (maybe not 100% of the time but a hell of a lot more than I do) and spend this short time that he is so sweet and loving and young and wants me there with him, but also the fact that I know if I chose that route we'd be living in a box on the corner. I am sure said box would get pretty cramped pretty quickly with a family of soon to be 4, plus 2 dogs a cat and 3 fish. I frequently feel looked down on by moms who dont work. As if they are being better moms because they can do all of the above with their babies while I spend nearly 12hrs a day with some one elses. I am not saying I am singled out specifically by all these groups and am degraded by them. But reading blogs and posts and looking at meet up and gym calenders makes me feel that way. If I were to chose to work out 5+ days a week I would lose precious quality time with my son and miss more than I already do. Miss his sweet bed time and his sweet cuddles and love. Things that I already miss enough of.

So do I look amazingly hot nearly 2yrs after my son is born? No. Do I think this is a goal that I'll achieve in the near future (or at least not long after #2 is born)? Probably not. Time with my babies is more important that 10-20lbs and a smaller pants size. One day when they are older and would rather play with friends or can come with me or I am able to spend more time with them other parts of the day, then yes. I do believe I can do it. I can come up with a neat crafty craft that I can brag about. That I can be excited to teach and show others how to do. That I can say "Yes I have finally reached my ultimate goal weight". It just becomes very hard to stay in this mind set when everywhere I look some days I have the opposite slapping me in the face. Working is not an option for me, its not as if I am choosing to leave my baby at home every morning before he even wakes up and not get home until a couple of hrs before his bed time. Its required to live, to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. A fact I think many SAHMs miss definitely not all but many. I know there are moms who financially its better for them to stay home due to the insane cost of childcare.

I am by no means saying staying at home is easy. In fact its quite the opposite. Its hard and tiring and you dont get a break (while neither do I technically or literally). I think that there's a loneliness and an isolation that can come with staying at home. But you have options. You have the ability to watch your babies grow up and know that you are there every second being able to be there and help and watch them. You know everything they did that day and can say YOU raised your baby not daycare or a sitter. You are able to take part in the play groups and play dates. You can take your baby to story time at the library something that unless I get lucky I wont be able to do.

I love E's daycare. I love that he has learned so much and has been able to make friends and play and comes home with art work. But I would love to teach him those things. Yes I do work with him on them and love seeing things click in his head. But having 2hrs in the evening which includes cooking dinner, baths, bedtime routine anything else cuts in to that.

I dont know maybe I am afraid that there will come a day where he is angry that I wasnt there enough for him. Or I look at him and realize that I have missed everything......

When I first started this blog I did a lot of recipes. I feel its time to do another one!! Here is my own recipe for homemade can chicken chili!!

2 Boneless skinless Chicken breasts cut into pieces small enough for you. LOL!
1 can chili beans
1 can kidney beans
1/2 bag frozen corn
1 can crushed tomatoes
cumin
chili powder
salt
pepper
Mrs. Dash spicy seasoning

Cook the chicken in a skillet until well done adding cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, and Mrs. Dash.

Transfer chicken to a larger pot.

Empty and drain kidney beans and pour into pot.
Add chili beans, corn and crushed tomatoes. Simmer for about 10mins. Add cumin, and chili powder.

Cook until kidney beans are soft.

Serve!! Its soo yummy even E loves it and it makes plenty for left-overs/lunch the next day. Oh and its also soo much better the next day too!!!

One thing I have seen become an issue it the over use of social media. Of course this is one type as is Facebook, Twitter and everything in between. I use them and I will probably link this post to my facebook page. But I also believe it has taken us away from things that really matter most. I personally dont post huge details of my life on there. I very much edit what I say and how its worded. I dont cuss and I dont post things I dont want my extended family to see. There will never be juicy gory details about things on there. Most of my photo albums are private and only certain groups can see certain ones and a select few of those groups can see them all. I am not ashamed to say that there is a long list of people blocked from seeing things on my profile. I think that its a page for friends and family but also some where I can maintain privacy of my life and still stay in contact with extended family that I dont see often or live out of state. I do have times where I post more often than others. Times where I annoy myself at how much I update my status. But usually that is out of sheer boredom not from me actually thinking others want to know how yummy my lunch was. There have been several people cancel their FB page or resolve to stay off of it this year and while no I dont do that I do resolve to make sure I hold myself to what I see and think of others. If I am just done reading your endless rants on how unjust the world is to you, I will make sure not to do that myself, and so on. And by the way the world is not as horrible and wrong and harsh as many make it seem. Yes things can suck but seriously no one has a bad day 365 days in a row. And if you do you need to look into getting some professional help or making some huge changes because thats no way to live. And honestly most do NOT want to read it every day all day. Another thing DO NOT post your phone number on here when you have 758 friends and have never met the majority of them in person. Thats just screaming hey I am a retarded teenager here is my number call me so we can get together and you can murder me!! Come on people common sense here. I love seeing all the great pics of babies and friends babies and things like that. Those are great but when you have 17 different profile pics all of you taken from the same angle in different outfits in the bathroom, maybe we should add a little diversity and take a pic from a new angle when the toilet is not in the back ground. Yes I know I tend to just have one of many pics of my kid instead of spicing up the profile pic there but I tend to hate pics of me and he is just soo cute. And never once has it been a pic as I described above. Ok I do believe I can get off my soapbox now!! LOL!

Wow it really has been a while!! Lets do a quick catch up. The holidays were awesome. E was a pirate for Halloween, loved all the food at Thanksgiving and got way too many gifts at Christmas!! He makes the holidays so worth it! Everything is just better with him. I am currently waiting for my awesome hubby to get home so we can go to eat dinner before he goes to watch a UFC fight tonight. Yay I get cuddle time with my little man alone and he gets time with the guys. Two very needed things. So as I was saying I am currently here waiting having lets just say "some" wine and blogging away.

Something happened recently that has made me all too aware of how completely out of control we are of our own lives. How things will happen in Gods time and His way no matter what we want, need or do. We dont always know the reason behind them but there is one. I do believe that. I have to believe that. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger right? Makes us more aware of the things around us and how easily everything is taken for granted and can so quickly be taken away. I do not feel as if I have been punished for some misdeed I have done in my life. I dont think things work out like that. (Although we wont tell Evan that because when I ask him to come here and he runs and falls down I tell him the floor made him fall because he wasnt listening. LOL!) Had one small thing changed for those before me, my world could be so incredibly different or in fact nonexistent. So I do believe there are reasons for the choices we're given and the consequences and actions that follow the choice we chose. Life doesnt end because we have a bad day or something bad happens to us. It keeps on going and so do we. On to the next adventure in life waiting for us. Something better or just different than the path we were just on. That has changed because it needed to. No there arent always explanations behind why things happen and we may never know the reasons during this lifetime but its not something for us to figure out. No matter how hard or horrible it is, we have to go on. There are others in our lives that need us and depend on us. Dwelling on things wont change them or make them easier. But remembering them and reminding ourselves to be thankful for them does.

Sunday will be the 1yr anniversary of the death of my niece. She wasnt even 5months old and yet she was taken from her family and this earth by causes still unknown. There is nothing right or easy about that. My sister has had to go on every day since then knowing what has happened. But I can tell you that its made her so much more concentrated on her life right now. Not the past not the future right now. Lailas death doesnt get better, but it does get easier. When a band aide is ripped off the skin it hurts immediately but as time passes the pain eases and just the red mark is left. The scar from the wound under neath my never go away and will always be a reminder of what happened but the pain from it and the band aide will ease. My sister is definitely a hero to most and that includes me.