I need to apologize in advance for all errors in this. It is NOT easy to blog with a 2yr old and nearly 3mon old. Not only does it get hard to keep a single train of thought over the course of hours it also takes forever!!

The events of this week have been horrible. Everyone is quick to say "If only we had God in schools". While I feel that would be great I dont think that is the answer. Why does everyone feel if God were in schools that our world would be amazing? Why dont they say if WE had God. If we started at home with God and shared his word to those who needed it. If we woke up each morning and realized God was with us and followed us wherever we went (including school). Just because some one walks through the doors of a school does not mean they leave him at the door. No the teachers are no longer allowed to lead prayer every day but that does not stop the students, that does not stop anyone from sharing His word. Blaming the fact that we cannot have organized prayer in school doesnt stop a mentally ill person from coming in. It doesnt stop evil from entering. It doesnt stop students from praying. If we started and ended our days with the word of God wouldnt that mean he is with us through out the day? Or does he exist solely on our pillows? Is he left there after we say Amen waiting until we return? No. He follows us wherever we go. He is there holding us while evil attacks. Were the events Friday Gods will? No I dont believe so. I  believe evil got in.

One question I have regularly asked myself in the nearly 2.5yrs I've been a parent is 'How do you stop your son from becoming this?'. When does your beautiful sweet loving baby become this horrible evil monster capable of doing this kind of thing? Did he not feel understood? Did he not feel like he was loved enough. I know the term mental illness has been said many times but I dont think I've seen where it was an official diagnosis. I smother the boys in love. I make sure they know they are so important to me and so is what happens in their lives. I ask E how his day at daycare was everyday and make sure he knows I am there for him. I dont want something to be wrong and me miss it then our lives play out on the evening news after some horrific event. I want to see what is there. I wonder what red flags were missed or ignored by family, friends, teachers, co-workers, employers and so on. What warning signs were over looked because things werent taken seriously enough? What could have been done to stop this? If he was mentally ill what could have been done to stop this? Where did the system fail him and eventually those that lost their lives? How can we change things to make sure history does not repeat itself?

I fear for the world my children will grow up in. I am terrified of how things seem to be so escalated by the media that each psycho seems to want to top the next. Where are we going from here? What will it take to stop this?