I am a super hero! Being a mom has done it. No not the carrying and birthing them part. Any adoptive, foster or negligent mom can tell you carrying and birthing a baby does not always make you a mother. Being a mother makes you one! So since I have obviously done an A+ job of this I have been enabled with super powers. I am guessing you are probably wondering what those are. Here is where I tell you!
1. Faster than a speeding bullet has nothing on faster than a kid falling out of a chair. Or faster than a falling sippy cup full of grape juice over carpet! I can sense something falling before it falls and with my super cat like reflexes catch it before the plate of dino nuggets with bbq sauce has time to fall on the floor and cause a melt down in a 2 yr old!
2. Super hearing. I can hear my baby crying from one floor away with 2 televisions on while my 2yr old runs around the loft screaming "It's time to be a knight and do it right!" and my husband is asking me where something is.
3. I am an empath. What not a super power? Tell that to the show Charmed! I know exactly how my baby feels before he even feels it. When we are at the dr. and they come in with shots and ask me to help hold them down. My heart breaks knowing that the trust my babe has in me to keep him safe and unharmed will temporarily be broken. I know how hurt my 2yr old feels when some one wont play with him. When he looks at me and says "Momma I love you so much." my heart is just as full as his is. When he screams and throws himself down because he is mad that I wont give him 5 oreos after he snuck 2 already. I know exactly how mad he is because I am just as mad.
4. I can exist on little to no sleep. Normal humans cannot survive on a mere few broken hrs of sleep each night for months on end. We super heros do this nightly for years. I am currently going on just over 2.5yrs of it.
5. I fight bad guys. I slay monsters, battle dragons and chase away scary shadows. Enabled with the powers to launch assault on these horrible creatures and allowing young children to fall asleep.
Now you may not feel these powers make me a super hero but show me someone who doesnt have these and not feel like they are a super hero! These are badges of honor bestowed on those most fit. There are definitely other powers I would like to add to my collection such as mind reading, teleporting, and the power to freeze time.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Ten ways to wake up a sleeping baby in a quiet house. These are tried and true methods guaranteed to nicely wake your little one from a deep deep slumber.
1. Sit down to pee. The sensitive ears of your babe can hear your bare bottom touch the surface of your porcelain throne, even with a flight of stairs and a shut door between you.
2. Lay down to take a nap of your own. This action sets off immedate radar to make the baby not just wake up but scream at pitch that ONLY moms and dogs can hear. Dads usually do not hear the cry and fall asleep anyway.
3. Get in the shower. Babies like to see how quickly you can get in and get out and still consider yourself clean. So they do not start screaming until you have gotten yourself completely soaked and the loofah lathered.
4. Search the internet. Have something you want to look up? Have free time you'd like to spend on facebook? Heh! Good luck. Babies feel the internet is best experienced while trying to nurse/feed/change a diaper while also on it.
5. Return a phone call. Seriously what good is an important call with out a screaming baby as background music?
6. Try to eat. Babies feel no one should eat alone so when you eat they eat, even if they've eaten 20min prior.
7. Start a movie or television show. Who wants to miss such quality viewing time? Not a baby!!
8. Quiet time with your significant other. Not necessarily the horizontal mambo but just cuddling on the couch or any type of physical touch, even as small as holding hands. It remains a mystery how a sleeping baby upstairs can know that his father grabbed his moms hand downstairs while standing in the kitchen talking.
9. Start cooking something. Even if its boiling water a baby will know. Their tiny noses are sensitive enough to pick up on the slightest smells of the stove turning on or the oven warming up.
10. Pop open an adult beverage. Babies can hear the pop of a wine cork, the twist of a beer top and they can sense the need in an over exhausted parents voice as they lay them down in their bed!! This is just too much excitement and grown up time for a baby to allow!!
Now I am sure there are many other ways to wake a sleeping baby in a quiet house but these are just a few of the methods I've seen work with out fail!!
1. Sit down to pee. The sensitive ears of your babe can hear your bare bottom touch the surface of your porcelain throne, even with a flight of stairs and a shut door between you.
2. Lay down to take a nap of your own. This action sets off immedate radar to make the baby not just wake up but scream at pitch that ONLY moms and dogs can hear. Dads usually do not hear the cry and fall asleep anyway.
3. Get in the shower. Babies like to see how quickly you can get in and get out and still consider yourself clean. So they do not start screaming until you have gotten yourself completely soaked and the loofah lathered.
4. Search the internet. Have something you want to look up? Have free time you'd like to spend on facebook? Heh! Good luck. Babies feel the internet is best experienced while trying to nurse/feed/change a diaper while also on it.
5. Return a phone call. Seriously what good is an important call with out a screaming baby as background music?
6. Try to eat. Babies feel no one should eat alone so when you eat they eat, even if they've eaten 20min prior.
7. Start a movie or television show. Who wants to miss such quality viewing time? Not a baby!!
8. Quiet time with your significant other. Not necessarily the horizontal mambo but just cuddling on the couch or any type of physical touch, even as small as holding hands. It remains a mystery how a sleeping baby upstairs can know that his father grabbed his moms hand downstairs while standing in the kitchen talking.
9. Start cooking something. Even if its boiling water a baby will know. Their tiny noses are sensitive enough to pick up on the slightest smells of the stove turning on or the oven warming up.
10. Pop open an adult beverage. Babies can hear the pop of a wine cork, the twist of a beer top and they can sense the need in an over exhausted parents voice as they lay them down in their bed!! This is just too much excitement and grown up time for a baby to allow!!
Now I am sure there are many other ways to wake a sleeping baby in a quiet house but these are just a few of the methods I've seen work with out fail!!
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